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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Bro Date

Big date tomorrow guys. With past ones I've pretty much always gone into it with doubts, but tried to be optimistic and give the guy the full benefit. "He seems fairly masculine" or "he seems kinda cool," I'd rationalize.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Naturally Dumb


The "argument"[1][2] that "being nonhetero is unnatural" is as dumb as it is poorly thought out.

First of all, the idea that natural things are always good and unnatural things are always bad is false. I pointed this out regarding drugs, but here's a completely exhaustive infographic

Monday, December 9, 2013

Bro Mail #2

I don't even mind that some/most/all of it is obviously made up. 

* * *


yo dude you inspired me to conduct a grindr experiment of my own this past weekend. Findings are as follows:

Work was a little slow on Friday, so I downloaded grindr (think there should be another vowel in there somewhere) and did a little reconnaissance so I would be able to blend in with the other dudes on said app. After about 30 seconds on there, I knew exactly how to play it, so after work I went to the gym and made a beeline for the locker room where I snapped a shirtless selfie (you know, so I could really put myself inside the machine) and waited eagerly for the esteemed High Council of Photo Reviewers to pass judgment on my pic. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life, but I must have met all the necessary requirements (see: not being a chick) because all of a sudden instead of a picture of that weird grindr logo (it's a mask, right? Subtle.) there it was, my headless torso! I was too excited to actually work out so I sprinted back to my apartment and checked to see if I had any messages. Nothing. It was a serious blow to my ego, so I decided to drown my sorrows the only way I know how: binge drinking. I was blacked out for two whole days, finally returning to an acceptable level of cognizance last night. After eating my weight in fries and drinking a bathtub full of water so as to avoid an epic hangover, I remembered my foray into the world of grindr and reluctantly checked to see if there were any dudes within a two mile radius who were interested in jumpin my bones. 

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Grindr


A few readers had emailed me and recommended that I try out grindr again, claiming they met their long-time boyfriend through it. Engaged bro is now gone and I don't want to start things back up with Ryan so I've been bored and looking for a dude. Honestly, I did this mostly as a social experiment, as it's always immediately apparent that grindr has very little to offer a bro like me. I installed the app and submitted a shark-attack picture for review. 10 minutes later I had about 50 messages. This was already seeming more like a burden than something useful.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Turkeygay

Today's post is dedicated to Paul Walker, my ultimate bro crush, who died going 2 fast 2 furiously.



Going home is always a mixed bag for me.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Porn

I feel like porn can be a terrible influence on the mind.

It's obviously great in the short run. You jizz, cum, get your rocks off, blow your load, or whatever other hilarious way you want to describe that fact that semen comes out of your purple-headed yogurt slinger. Gross, dude. I liked my dick before that analogy.

The problem actually isn't pornography per se.

Being a pedophile used to be chill, apparently

A sexual painting on a vase, a few nudie photographs or even a small box full of pornographic video tapes were all within the realm of what I'd consider "reasonable pornography". Now, however, we (not me, of course) can look up whatever crazy shit we can imagine and find a nearly endless supply of it.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Capítulo Equis

My life be like ooh-ahh.

Last weekend I was hanging out with my bros and my bro's roommate had a friend in town visiting who I hadn't met before. He was hot as fuck and we got along really well. The whole night we were like:


He'd grab my shoulder when offering to buy me drink separate from everyone else; intense eye contact and coy smiles. And while man flirting is a great time, it kinda blows when it all amounts to nothing. You're just left wondering what it meant, if anything. I have a constantly-updating meter going in my head about whether the guys I'm around are into dudes. With this guy I was thinking there was over a 50% chance he was actually into me, but nothing happened and he lives in New Jersey. He did sleep in a bed with another dude though.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

My Best Friend Is Gay


"My [best] friend is gay" is probably what some guys type into Google after their friend tells them they aren't hetero. The results that come up are not particularly helpful.

And I obviously can't speak for all non heteros, but…

ATTN: Heteros 
RE: I like dudes
Dear Hetero Bro,


If you're reading this then you know that your friend is not into girls, i.e. he likes guys. You obviously didn't get to talk about it in full because you're still thinking about it and looking for answers online.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

"I like guys, but not on Facebook"

"masc/k"?
Yes, I realize I'm the very first person to rag on FB and social media, but someone has to tackle this exotic beast.  And for the record, I social media isn't "ruling/destroying my life" because I rarely use it. It is weird to see the way, and how much, others use it though

Moderately interesting points that others have already covered:
    • Why does it seem like 99% of people on Facebook are smiling, "happy" and doing great at all times? Impossible. That's not how humans work.
    • Why do people think we want to see hundreds of pictures of their pets, kids and food? We don't. 
    • Facebook connects us? Meh
    • The protean manifold of overbearing "feeds" and the proliferating layers of advertising? Yeah brah, concur that they're hella chill. 
    • People sometimes create an altered persona for social media. Yep.
This last point is particularly relevant to NH-dom.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Clues Your Friend Is Not Hetero


  1. He cares about personal hygiene/grooms himself/is not dirty
  2. He wears nice clothes
  3. He owns a pink shirt
  4. He doesn't play sports
  5. He's fashionable
  6. He's tidy with his stuff
  7. He ate a salad once
  8. He is "out of your league" and isn't interested in you
  9. He watches X
  10. He listens to Y
  11. He says Z
  12. Other ridiculous bullshit

Alright you get the idea. For the record, much of the above list might be more accurately be "clues your friend is European".  And before my list, let me go ahead and admit it's not going to be perfect or applicable to everyone, but based on my experience, it's a more accurate compilation of clues that your friend is not a hetero. It's also less about any individual clue than many in conjunction. 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

No Hetero in the Workplace Part II - Sam


I'm still at the same job. I like it more or less. It's flexible, fairly stimulating and not stressful. I've also become good friends with one of my coworkers, Sam, who shares my office. Sam is a couple years younger, a couple inches taller—maybe 6"3—and a couple 10s of pounds lighter than I am. He has a brown swooping coif of fine, brown hair that sits just above his boyishly handsome face.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Engaged Bro Pt 2

I hooked up with this guy again. It was fun. He was hot.



I wasn't sure if I'd hear from him again due to him "having a girl" and all, but he has actually been fairly persistent in emailing me to see when we could meet up next. Emails because we don't text because derpderpderp he's paranoid as fuck. As if I'm going to send a picture of my junk or some shit. Idiot.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Bro Mail #1


I've receive a number of emails over the months from bros giving feedback or just saying what's up. Some are pretty cool, so I'll start occasionally publishing them with the sender's permission.

Chill to see Where in the World is Non Hetero. This one's in the Philippines.



Hey man,

I was going to make a work plan this afternoon for this project I'm working on but every time I pulled up Word to begin, I couldn't get your voice out of my head. I tried and failed, and thought, I just have to introduce myself to you.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Engaged Bro

Annnnnd I hooked up with a dude that's engaged. To a woman.  He's 24.

This is obviously a bad idea. I realize this. But apparently making bad decisions is my jam now.
Guys cuddling

The "problem" is that he's sexy as fuck. He played football in college and is currently a third year med student. He's about 5'11 with buzzed brown hair a handsome face, and a great fucking smirk of a smile. Oh and his body is basically perfect.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Thursday, September 5, 2013

A Portrait of Non Hetero as a Young Bro - Pt 1

Some people are surprised to learn that I was never a child. They'll say things like "well I'm sure you did that when you were a one-year-old, too". This is super awkward for me though because I was never a baby, or a child. I decided to skip that whole phase of life and become an adult. I have met some kids though. Youngins are kind of cool in that they are so shameless and self-motivated, yet completely reliant on adults to keep them alive.
My childhood was a pretty good time. 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Pursuit of Happiness & Telling Another Bro

Vacation is a strange thing. It's obviously great in many ways, but if you actually let yourself become absorbed by it, it's jarring to return to your regularly scheduled life.


Living the way I'm living is jarring in general, actually. I feel like I'm a slightly different version of myself depending whom I'm around, and the situation.

I think part of the reason non heteros are sometimes very high-achieving is because we feel we have to compensate for this 'flaw' of not being hetero. This is clearly bullshit on some level, but also makes sense on another, and explains a decent slice of societal behavior. And at the end of the day, what's wrong with being high-achieving? Sure, being comfortable and honest with yourself is more valuable than some arbitrary achievement, but the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. I do feel comfortable in my own skin, and I don't wish I were hetero, really. Maybe to make shit easier, sometimes, but I do like how I don't feel quite the same as anyone else on the planet.

One of the reasons why I've waited such a long time to tell people, and why I'm still not open about it to everyone is that I feel like I "have a lot to lose". I have great friends and family; I was born into essentially an aristocratic family--no that doesn't mean we're super loaded. And while I think all that shit is inherently flawed and mostly rejected it, tried to be my own bro and be "down to earth" or whatever, I have undeniably benefited from it. When you have a door marked "be a successful big shot" it's hard to quell the curiosity to take a peak. I know it's the wrong door for me, but people have a way of constantly, and indirectly reminding me of these "opportunities".

I do want to live an interesting and substantial life--not just chill on a beach some where--but I'm trying to do it on my own terms.

I'm just trying to be fucking happy here.

I also told another friend I'm not hetero. He was a family friend that I didn't know that well, but he kept talking about bitches so I just got sick of it and told him. It went like this:








Solid finish, again.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

WTF II: I Ain't In Love

Bye Ry
(Previous: WTF Am I Doing: The Ryan Situation)

So we've definitely been trying to force shit. "Relationships are about compromise." Agreed, but to a point. And usually the prerequisite is that "when two people are in love".

I ain't in love.

Ryan's friends—that whole life—are wrong for me. I already have close friends that I actually want to hang out with. I don't fucking like gay bars. I've tried to go with the flow, but it feels wrong.

I'm palming two worlds with minimal bridges between them. I've tried to get comfortable in the gay world, but it doesn't fit me. It makes me question myself: am I even non hetero? Because none of this makes sense to me.

Ryan has made a big effort to try to be make me happy and content. And I like him. I do. But I think he's in love with me:

"I have a connection with you that I've never had with anyone else before"

I can't reciprocate that.

I'd like to stay friends but that will probably be impossible.

Did I see this coming? Yeah, kind of. But am I just wanted to be sure because this bro was close.

Oh well.


Thursday, August 1, 2013

What 90% of guy's profiles amount to

* * *
HI guys!

I'm a bit new to this site (registered in 2010) but it seems like a great group! The pictures of me are a bit old, which is weird because I use facebook every day and am constantly uploading selfies. Anyways, I've gotten in much better shape since, so just message me for more ;-)

About me

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Guys I've Banged IV: Marco

Marco was another dude who I met while abroad.


The bouncer roughly stamped our hands to apply the black light mark necessary to gain entrance.

It was about 3am and the bar was ragging and thumping to some grimy dubstep-esque beat. My hetero friends immediately began searching the darkness for attractive females, mumbling about this or that girl.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

PopeBroChill17

...would be Pope Francis' screen name if he had one.

He said,
"If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?"

What the actual fuck? Bro's actin' like he'd be the first pope to judge people.
What's that "t" on his chest?

I seriously never thought I'd have something nice to say about a Pope in my lifetime. Where is this random rationality coming from, and how will organized religion people handle it? This isn't some random doid; the pope, who is allegedly infallible, is telling antigay people to quit being such assholes.

Monday, July 29, 2013

What's wrong with a little mystery?


What's wrong with a little mystery?

It seems like some people, especially gay dudes, make a point of visually putting it out there that they're gay. Why not just slap a bumper sticker on your ass? We're not talking about dressing "well" or "fashionably", I'm talking about spending time to craft their 'look' so that from 100 yards away most people would say "Op, that dude's gay."

Friday, July 26, 2013

Summer Moves

Welp it occurred to me that summer is kind of strange time to be bulking so I'm going to do a minor cut. Not going to starve myself or anything, basically just going to stop trying to overeat.

A few people have asked me about my routine and diet etc. The best advice I can give is extremely simple: work out hard (you should be tired and sore), do not use machines, push yourself, and eat as little processed food as possible. The closer the food is to it's form in nature the better, and the further it is, the worse. I'll write a complete post on my take on exercise and nutrition a bit down the road.

But yeah, crushed the gym today. This cute bro also also asked me for a spot. He knows my name but I forget his. He's about 21, a couple inches shorter and has short blond hair and shiny blue eyes. He's very friendly and mellow and has asked me a few random questions over the past weeks (he's about as strong/as in shape as I was about a year ago).

"So, no offense, but are you natural man?"

I laugh, "yeah dude."

Thursday, July 25, 2013

No Hetero Chapter 3

Welcome to Chapter III



I'm going to compose future posts from my phone (Stevie J 6S). The screen is cracked as fuck, but look how much I care: .

I'll try to post err'y day, though they're bound to be shorter posts. It's probably better this way as I was again getting bored by myself.

To kick it off, let's start off with a little hate, ahem--tempered constructive criticism--of heteros. Homos have taken plenty of heat here, and there's more to be said, but let's allow 'tro bros to have a turn.

ATN HETRO BROS: Shut the fuck up about professional sports if you have no athletic accomplishments and/or have nothing insightful to say.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

WTF Am I Doing: The Ryan Situation

The other day things with Ryan lurched in a strangely serious direction.

I think from his perspective we transitioned from "hooking up" to "dating" a few weeks ago. But from my perspective we were still in the "feel out if this works" phase. I was going with the flow and trying to give it a chance because he's a nice, cute guy and we have fun together.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Lol, Gay ppl R Gay

Many people could use a healthy dose of taking themselves less seriously. And I don't think any group should be off-limits when it comes to making jokes.




However, but, notwithstanding, STILL, it's pretty lame that the portrayal of non-heteros is 95% "Lol, gay dudes act like girls". It's just not a very creative, intelligent, or funny observation. Dealing with trite, stereotype-based jokes is clearly not unique to The Gays, but what's weird is that even those commentators and comedians that are "allies" take plenty of cheap shots and make the same old, tired jokes about how non heteros are so feminine, and so sassy, and flamboyant.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

American Hetero

Hi internets,

I just wanted to write to so you don't get worried about me.

Things are going pretty well for me here in the real world, but that doesn't mean I don't think about you regularly. I still think you're chill and cherish our friendship, and shit. So, like, let's stay in touch and set a skype date super soon OK?!

Great.

But ya know, it's weird being a twenty-something in this country. Most people are in this strange liminal state between young adulthood and "real" adulthood. They have jobs, but aren't necessarily starting their "career". We graduated from college, but some people are already back in school or planning on returning in the next year or two. We have some disposable income, which we're great a disposing of, so probably have no savings.  This means many of us live weekend to weekend, pay check to pay check, regardless if we make 100K or 30K.

Some of us are trying to become more adult by doing things like taking better care of our health, getting up early on the weekends, calling our parents, making dinner for each other, and generally trying to plan more things. We say stuff like "c'mon we aren't in college any more" or "I just want to do something a little more...adult". Others of us still feel like college kids, only older and more guilty about our decisions. We say things like "Just because we graduated doesn't mean we can't still have fun" or "we're only X years old, it's not like we're Y". 

Why don't you just grow up and be miserable like everyone else? Work too much. Get out of shape. Let your mind dull and liquify. Get into a committed relationship with someone that isn't right for you and hold onto them for dear life.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Chillest (and weirdest). Dad. Ever.

My pop is a crazy guy. He grew up in a Manhattan suburb surrounded by millionaires like the Rockafellers and other "important" people, and attended the best schools in the country. He also smoked a ton of "marijuana cigarettes" and experimented with other drugs. Despite his preppy origins, he always felt like an alternative person. This is partly expressed outwardly, in that he has long-ish hair, wears converse and is teaching himself how to play the guitar, but more importantly it's something he feels internally that dictates how he has sculpted his life.


Over the years, my Dad has had few jobs, but his primary modus operandi has always been that of an intellectual. And since I was fairly young, my father has treated me like an intellectual equal, despite his vast knowledge and experience. Perhaps more importantly, he has treated me like a friend. In fact, he's friendly to, and respectful of, basically everyone. And even though he's an atheist, I have no qualms likening his views and actions to that of a figure like Jesus Christ.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Hey man, can I tell you something?


* * *
me: hey man can I tell you something?
Tom: yo sorry been running around, but what's up?
me: so I've been meaning to mention this for a while in person but I just haven't because people are always so shocked that it makes it tough.
anyways, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but I just feel like we're close friends so it's weird for me that you don't know that I'm not much for the ladies
Tom: I totally understand feeling uncomfortable about bringing that up in person, but glad you did now. To be honest it's something that I've thought about, but wanted to let you bring it up cause I wasn't sure
me: hah alright well you're more keen than either ___ or ____, apparently
Tom: I don't know if that was the right now or not
me: who both thought I was making an extended joke
Tom: well good for me hah
of course they would think that
Tom: I kind of feel like I'm on the very opposite end of the spectrum so maybe that makes it easy for me haha
me: hah yeah I don't know, I think some people just have a better sense than others
Tom: yeah I was slightly kidding but I think you're right
so if you don't mind me asking, is this something you've known for a while?
me: yeah it kind of has been a while now
just rough because I feel like I have nearly nothing in common with stereotypical gay people in general
Tom: yeah well a lot of the culture at least that I know isn't really like you at all
me: yeah...not my thing...
be right back
Tom: but I feel like that could be in large part because of my location in the _____ ha
alright no worries
me: yeah
(a few minutes pass)

me: so yeah, there's that
Tom: haha
big drop for a Monday
me: sorry bro hah
Tom: haha obviously not a problem...mainly just doing apt/new job stuff today
me: anyways I don't want it to be awkward so feel free to say anything or ask me anything, but basically I'm still me, and don't have any plans to change just because of whatever stereotypes and cultures are out there
Tom: yeah don't worry, I wouldn't think that anything would need to change or be weird or whatever.
As long as you're still comfortable with me going out looking for ladies most of the time hah
me: hah dude, that part is actually better
Tom: although with this whole ____ thing that may be slowing down...
me: I'm an ideal wingman for that reason hah
Tom: hahah perfect
me: I don't really like to broadcast it, but if I tell girls
they are immediately super friendly and want to meet my friends
we can go babe hunting, don’t worry dude hah
I like doing that anyways, just not when it's under false pretenses
cause it's really awkward when these girls want to bang you, which happens a fair amount to me
so I kind of got sick of it
Tom: yeah I don't see the need to broadcast it, glad that you told me though.
ha and yeah, good to just let a girl know in that situation
and when they're shot down you can just pass them off to me
me: exaacctlyy
meet my friend, Tom who, unlike me, actually wants you
win win
was the same at ____’s bday, and she's a cool girl
but this other _____ girl was yapping at me
and obviously since there's no end game for me, so it's just the worst
you already know how girls annoy the shit out of me typically
Tom: haha yeah that's brutal, would make it so annoying.
well next time i'll be there to swoop 'em up, ___ girls love me
jkjk
me: hah
yeah well now I could
wouldn't have really made sense before
"yo Tom, I'm talking to hot girl, not interested, come take over"
Tom: ha yeah I know
me: I know your type by now too dude haaa
me: to be fair I do still sometimes have sex with girls, but it kind of fucks with my head so I haven't recently
Tom: that was actually one question I had, essentially "where on the spectrum" you were
my coworker's bisexual and seems to hook up with guys and girls, but definitely mostly girls
me: pretty far towards the dude end I think, if a girl is super hot then I feel like I want to have sex with her
but I don't usually think about girls when they're not around
who is this coworker hahah
me: you'll have to keep your ears open for me on that end too dude because guys like me are apparently rare as fuck
Tom: hahaha i'll do my best
my coworker is, unfortanely, a girl. Sophie
me: oh well that's whatever
all girls are bisexual
Tom: she's the _____ girl that I hang out with all the time
me: ohh alright
have you...taken advantage of that fact? haha
Tom: hahaha well she legit is, I think she's a lesbian, and not bi, but just occasionally hooks up with dudes
I have not, although she has hooked me up with a friend of hers, but haven't taken advantage in the way you're talking ha
me: hah that takes some coaxing
Tom: ____ has a good friend by the way that's gay, ____
me: yeah but he probably sucks
Tom: he's a really good looking dude, but definitely more on the flamboyant side
hahaha
me: yeah no sale
can't even deal with a little bit of that
unfortunately
there are straight dudes that are too effeminate for me ha
so yeah... really pigeon holing myself, but these are the cards I was dealt
Tom: hah yeah definitely seems like you'd be cutting down a significant portion there, but I thought maybe you could meet the guy next time you're up cause he seems to be in the scene
we've hung out a bunch, had some very drunk sundays together
me: I feel like the scene is full of people I wouldn't be into
me: have you been to a gay bar before? it's fairly unpleasant
actually usually some very attractive girls though
Tom: I went to _____, that place around the corner from my apartment, with my coworker once but it's definitely more of a lesbian bar
Tom: and yeah I've heard girls like to frequent gay bars sometimes, trying to get rid of the guys incessantly hitting on them
me: hah yeah also you have to be pretty secure in yourself to roll up to a gay bar as a straight dude
Tom: yeah definitely, wouldn't roll up by myself but I'd wingman it for ya. I'd just have to scope out that elusive single ladies crew hah

* * *


Rough start, but strong finish. Feeling good today.

* * * 
For those of you just reading for the first time, take a gander a this post before commenting. Thanks.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Struggling

I think it's dumb when bloggers say "I've been busy" and imply that they are so busy that they don't have enough time to write a blogpost. They are not that busy, and I'm not that busy. I've have been much busier, but mostly I just haven't felt like writing lately.

I think I sort of "chickened out" out last weekend in not telling a couple more close buds that I like dudes. I don't normally have this problem. I usually think about something carefully and then once I've decided to do it, I do it. So it kind of made me feel like shit that I backed down. I really didn't think I was scared to tell people, but maybe I am a little. But it doesn't feel like fear, it feels like something else.


Thursday, May 30, 2013

Gettin' Tired

I'm tired of all this bullshit.  I'm 25 god damn years old. 



I'm tired of skating circles around the truth.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Ry Guy

First off: 50,000+ page views—sweet. Almost makes this shit feel like not a total waste-of-wasting time.

Ryan came to stay at my pad last weekend in a somewhat impromptu visit. I had told him that he "should come stay at my place sometime". And while he definitely tries to play it pretty cool, the fact that he came two days after I invited him says something.


I saw him from a distance and smiled to myself at his predictably preppy attire. Boat shoes, bro? Obviously. We hugged hello casually and agreed that we should grab a beer somewhere outside.

We quaffed and talked and bantered. He's is a pretty cute bro, I thought. He's not the stud-type bro that I tend to go for, but he's cute as shit.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Can I Get A Spot, Brah?

Just a quick reminder that the internet is serious, as is this blog, so act accordingly.

Today one of my brocrushes at the gym asked me to spot him on his last set of standing bicep barbell curls. For those of you who don't lift, it's a little weird to ask for a spot on his exercise. The only lifts I'd say require a spot would be if you're maxing on barbell bench, or doing very heavy squats. There are some others in the gray area where a spot is nice, but bicep curls would fall somewhere toward the bottom. Regardless, he is jacked and good-looking, albeit young—maybe twenty years old—so I was like "sure, bro".  He usually wears a loose, striped tank that he partly tucks into the back of his sweats so that his big ol' ass is always on display.




Monday, May 13, 2013

Ryan Gosling Behind Some Pines

I liked those gifs before so I taught myself how to make them. I know, I'm super smart. Some of you are probably thinking that this was "an epic waste of time". Others of us know what the word epic means. Still others understand that making gifs is actually really, really fucking easy.

Anyways, here's my summary of the indie flick "The Place Beyond the Pines" starring indie/underground actor Ryan Gosling in his debut film role. 

So the opening scene is this...

At the beginning R Gos is all brooding and badass and shit

Friday, May 10, 2013

Looking For Gold In A Shit Mine (Dating Websites)

Exhibit A (verbatim)

---- FROM w*********y  May 09, 2013 at 11:05 PM
Hi, "bromollectual" is funny. So you are an avid writer? I wish I could write better. How is life over there?

---- FROM nohetero May 09, 2013 at 10:06 PM
Avid? Oh geez, I don't know...

---- FROM w*********y  May 09, 2013 at 11:08 PM
Well it's a good skill to have nonetheless. Ever been to the Windy City?


The Windy City?

---- FROM nohetero May 09, 2013 at 10:12 PM
Sure. Have you ever been to The City That Never Sleeps A.K.A. The Big Apple? Feel free to just call it Chicago. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Hetero Bros

Holy shit. Why do I waste so much time thinking about "straight" guys? I'm not talking about my friends; I'm talking about hetero bros that I've never met or don't know well, that I have mancrushes on.

Like at the gym there are guys that I glance around for every time I go. There are some bros that go at more or less the same times as I go so there are plenty of familiar faces (arms, legs, asses). Many of these guys check me out, but most of them in a very hetero way. As in, they visibly look at what I'm doing but not in a sexual way, and usually only for short time. Whether or not they are consciously controlling this, I don't know. I know that for me, there are some dudes that I have to consciously not look at.
I'm apparently that douche that takes pictures of himself in the mirror
Yeah, it's douchey, but if I use a picture that someone else took of me it'd be much more identifying.

Anyways so there're a few of those bros who are kind of mutual hetero checkout buddies, and then there are the ones that I actually have some (probably twisted) hope that they are into guys. It ranges from bros that kind of give me a nonverbal "what's up" with a smile when we see each other, to guys that come up and actually introduce themselves. Like the other week, this guy made some little joke and then kind of introduced himself to me. He's a ginger, which isn't usually my thing, but he's actually good looking and has a very nice body. And I guess these bros are just trying to make friends with me? But dude: I don't want to be friends—I want to bang you.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

No Hetero Chapter 2

I'm tired of writing formalized shit. It was nice way for me to organize my thoughts and opinions, and I may write that kind of post occasionally again, but infrequently because it's boring me and this is my fucking blog.

So I met up with this bro again whom I met, not online or anything sketchy, but just through another non hetero friend. People have been surprised that I was into him. I guess people think that I always go for the alpha-male type, but as we've been over, no one seems to read me correctly.

I mentioned Ryan before, and my predictions were mostly correct, unfortunately. We get along really well, and we have a lot in common in terms of our upbringings and experiences. But the sexual spark is not really there. He's not a total dead fish or anything, but it's nothing like with John where we'd get all carnal and bang, possibly have multiple orgasms, and then just collapse out of exhaustion.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Frat Star MVP 2K13

A new reader reminded me of this topic, which has been on my list since the inception of this blogpad.  This is a subject is a little tricky to write about without using identifying details, but not impossible, so I'll give it a shot.


A fraternity is a group of guys selected by a previous group of guys who have gone through a similar experience. All the other stuff is variable: how much they have in common, what type of activities they do alone and together, and how often.

At my particular frat, we raged our faces off. This is not atypical, but we of course liked to think we were the craziest. Raging is a fairly primal experience. You are with a bunch of guys, fucking poisoning your brain with alcohol to just before the point where all your systems shut down. This all to the tune of some competitive drinking game. Was I very good at every drinking game? Why are you even asking that question?  I still like raging occasionally, but not as much as back in the day.

But fraternities are not just about drinking, obviously. 

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Jason Collins Teaches Heteros World Is Round, Is Chill

People thought that the world was flat because it appeared flat from their perspective and they didn't notice any evidence to the contrary. People thought that nonheteros didn't exist or were caricatures because it appeared this way from their perspective and they didn't notice any evidence to the contrary.


Jason Collins will help force people to wrap their minds around what it actually means to be a nonhetero. He is, literally and figuratively, a giant piece of evidence that non heteros exist and that how we look or act is extremely variable. This is what scientists call the "monkey-see, monkey-no-longer-irrationally-homophobic".

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Am I the Only Cool Nonhetero...

In the entire world?

Sure feels like it.

I hit the proverbial jackpot just by being born. I have a family and many good friends who love and support me. I have accomplishments, aptitude, creativity, and symmetry. I am not actually (as much of) a dick (as I seem).

Why does no one feel good enough for me? Sometimes I feel like I'm sabotaging myself when it comes to relationships. He's not smart/handsome/in shape/chill/fun enough? He's gotta be all that shit? Just because I feel that I am?

In case it wasn't clear to you non purple-circle bros, I was not drunk venn diagraming. I added that as a update. Also, it took under one minute to make


Thursday, April 25, 2013

WTF is Heteronormativity Part II

It's funny because to many bros what I write and the points that I make, while sometimes controversial, are clear. Others seem to be skipping lines, or reading between them unnecessarily, and the result is misunderstanding. So I'll take another crack at it and try to speak as plainly as possible.

"your earlier posts are pretty condescending to anyone who follows stereotypical gay identity trends, which makes it seem like you are concerned with what other people are doing and how it reflects on you."
I would criticize anyone who follows a trend out of insecurity or "to fit in", but if you happen to truly agree with something that other people are doing or like, that's obviously fine. It's everyone's prerogative to live a largely self-indulgent life, and either pretend their actions don't affect others or simply not care, but we'll get to that.