Saturday, January 26, 2013

Finding a "chill bro" - Pt I

It seems like hetero people also suffer a good deal in search of a partner, but in many ways it does not compare to what we go though as non-heteros.

Finding a person who you want to date and be intimate with among 50% of the population is difficult enough. Searching among non-heteros reduces this number to a maximum of about 10% of this 50%, i.e. about 5%. Then go ahead and remove guys that aren't stereotypically masculine, don't have a college education, or are unattractive and/or overweight, and I'm left with ~0 people, apparently. Not to mention the fact that some of these guys are not open to people about their sexuality, making them all but invisible given that they show no outward signs of being non-hetero. I am a part of problem in the last part of course. But that's a different subject.

So we are left with horrific gay bars, filled with people who feel that since certain members of society reject them, they feel they have to reject almost everything about society. One example would be the various means for NTs to obtain casual sex like grindr, man hunt, craig's list, etc. And no, I'm not going to capitalize those "services". I do not judge anyone that uses them, or seeks an easy sexual outlet, however. Different people are into different things and I think the US is in general far too prudish about sexual topics. It's time to loosen our connection to the Puritans and embrace a more northern-European outlook. But that's a different post.

I'm also obsessed with handsome dudes. I develop debilitating crushes easily, though not as bad as in high school when my hormones were bubbling over the brim. I think about good-looking guys throughout the day, and I do want a boyfriend. Sex for me is nothing unless it's with someone I'm attracted to. Imaging someone else while you're hooking up is fucked up.

Either way, it's a problem when I go to meet someone for a date and they of course don't look as good as their pictures. Am I the only one that makes a concerted effort to use pictures that depict me accurately? Actually, I've had many people tell me I look far better than my pictures. Obviously not everyone has the luxury of being attractive, but c'mon—why waste everyone's time by photoshopping, or taking pictures at weird angles? I have, however, become sadly adept at noticing these tricks and now mostly weed out these people immediately. Pseudo-model shots like to the right are a bad sign.  You aren't a model, so go ahead and take a picture with normal light and full color. Thanks.

But this filter is also a source of dating problems. Tighten it too much, and I feel like a picky asshole who can't find a single person worth meeting, but if I loosen my standards I usually just end up giving chances to bros whom I clearly am not attracted to (see: waste of time). So I vacillate back and forth between the two.

And where does one meet these rare diamond bros in a very rough sea? I've already said that gay bars have been mostly bad experiences for me, and do not even mention the clubs. But the internet sucks too. There are so many creepy guys, stalkers, and fakes—not to mention the real and proverbial trolls.

I'll write some website reviews later, but for now I'll just say that I haven't found any that are great; just varying levels of bad.

Maybe someday I'll stop being so fucking shallow and settle down with a guy with a great personality. But hey, that is not exactly the easiest characteristic to find either. 

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