Friday, February 15, 2013

A Late Introduction

This should have been my first post.

I knew I'd get some commenters saying the same generic things people say. People love to spout trite soundbites and act as if they are original. It makes for an excellent discussion when the same things are said over and over again!

But just because you say something that's nice, that doesn't make it true.

"Everyone is beautiful." No. Some people are unattractive by definition--a reference point is the only way comparatives work.  It's a a nice statement, but not a true one unless you invent new meanings for all of the words.  These types of statements are also easy. Saying that everyone is above average doesn't make you kind, it makes you illogical.

I'm not anti-gay, pro-hate, homophobic, or any other extreme position. Read all of my posts, consult a dictionary, think about your words and then use them. Let me go on the record and say that I am pro-human, pro-individuality, and pro- doing whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt any one else. 

Stop trying to reduce everything into binary terms. The "options" are not love or hate, proud or ashamed, and masculine or feminine. It is your prerogative to live in either the black or white space, but many of us prefer the grey area.

It's very hard to live a hypocrisy-free life, but at least try. Don't tell me that all opinions are valued and equal and then in the next sentence tell me that mine is invalid and inferior to yours. Calling someone narrow-minded while espousing over-simplified platitudes is...funny.

Try to be reasonable and rational. If a person is visibly homosexual and is "unable to hide their sexuality," don't tell me they made a "brave decision". If they had no choice and made no decision, then we're just left to assume they are brave for existing? I think respect trumps pity, every time. If you respect someone there is no problem joking around with them, and I honestly respect most people.

Stop twisting my words. In the above I didn't say or imply that flamboyant homosexuals don't have a much harder life. I merely pointed out that simply existing is not sufficient to earn the patch of bravery. I say "fashion is dumb" or "this isn't my personal style" and you say "stop judging and forcing your beliefs on others". What?

We are all living in the year 2013, so let's try to focus on that. I have read about the history of homosexuals dating back to before ancient Greece, so yes, I am familiar with the AIDs epidemic.

Learn to understand and take jokes. This is the internet and you are reading a blog. These are signs that you should be aware that things may not be what they seem. Many people in society operate under this hierarchical system that dictates that if you occupy a "higher" social standing than someone else you are forbidden from saying anything negative about them. This is more or less the idea behind political correctness. A poor, minority gay woman, for example, would be allowed to say essentially whatever she wants about almost anyone. She could call the president of the United States the n-word and that would be OK. She could say poor black men behave like monkeys. However, if she were to poke fun at a transexual, she would be scorned because that person is perceived as being of lower status. Rich, white heteros are not allowed to criticize anyone for the same reasons.

I think political correctness has helped mold this country into an increasingly respectful nation. In my experience, most of Europe is still much more racist than is the United States, and I think this is partly because we enforce political correctness to a greater degree.  But at the end of the day, life is absurd and we are adults here having a light-hearted discussion, so save the finger wagging.

Lastly, some seem to conceive homosexuality as a way of life that comes with "privileges" and "disadvantages". For me, it's just an orientation—not a cultural identity. We aren't obligated by anyone, hetero, homo or otherwise, to believe anything, behave in any particular way, or engage in prescribed activities.

I am trying to create a place for people like me. There are already gay bars, and LGBTQ groups that work for some. If they work for you, great. We are just trying to get out a little pent up frustration and have a few laughs about what it's like to be a non-heterosexual that genuinely feels more at home in a stereotypically heterosexual environment than a homosexual one. Why is this so horrible or unbelievable?

In the end, we don't want our own club. We want everyone in the same club. We don't want gay bars or straight bars; we want bars where any two people could hook up and no one would notice. We aren't satisfied with tolerance, we want equality. You may think that society and politics is one big sham, but we'd like to have a non hetero president, preferably in this century. This may seem to lofty to you, but our generation is already moving in this direction, so let us do our thing. We are trying to make things better, I promise.

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  1. One of the best posts on any blog that I've read and I agree whole heartedly. My compliments to you.

  2. You're a very talented writer, thoughtfully articulating a perspective that I share but probably could never communicate as compellingly; I'm glad to see it online. Keep it up, man!

  3. Hey I've started reading our blog and I really like it. You are a good writer and you touch subjects that are very interesting to me. I hope you will keep it up !

  4. Hi, I've read all your blog. Don't expect any uninformed comments about "internalized homophobia" or "hiding from who you really are". Cause that is not true in your case.

    I think it's not what you have written about on this blog, it's more the way you've written it. We are all entitled to our own opinions, but saying things like "quite it down" or "take it down a notch" is bound to stir up some shit. I know you're not trying to be offensive, but there's a certain stigma that goes along with what you're saying. Ironically enough, if they had heeded yours words and "taken it down a notch" or "quieted down" a couple of decades ago, gay rights would be nowhere near where they are today, which probably would've led to your experience as young homosexual, not too easy or well-off.

    I'm not saying you're judging flamboyant guys with what you write, but these people have had to put up with that and a lot more. I think life is hard enough as it is by being gay and everybody knowing, talking, judging ..then on top of that having someone put you down even while sharing some of what you go through i.e being also gay.

    I understand there are some really offensive stereotypically gay guys that are disrespectful and annoying regarding their sexuality like that is ALL they are; but that is not true about all of them. And those comments about quieting down or what the actual fuck are you wearing or my penis shrivels up and dies when I see you (it is sort of saying you're disgusting, isn't it?) also includes feminine guys that are just trying to be themselves and not disrespect anybody.

    I know you're just trying to find "bros" to relate to with the whole being a masculine gay guy in a stereotypicall feminine gay world, but the same would be true for a super feminine guy gay trying to relate to others by saying things like masculine gays are trying to pass as straight or are traumatized about being gay.

  5. You obviously didn't read the post because re: pride movement I said, "Some loud people were arguably necessary to rattle some cages and get the attention of society as people either didn't think homosexuality existed, thought it was a mental disorder, or irrationally feared it. It's easy for us as young people to take for granted the rights that we have today, incomplete as they may be, that were fought for by people over the past decades."

    - That's not that irony means. If you tell someone to quiet down and the result is them being quiet, that is not irony. At all.
    - Respect > pity
    - I'm intentionally trying to "stir up shit" vis-a-vis flamboyancy; I'll write an entire post explaining further soon
    - Your last paragraph does not make sense. I'm not trying to relate to straight people by poking fun of gays, I'm trying to relate to other non-heteros. And saying you don't like someone's sweater is not on the same level as accusing them of be an insincere human being. Again, at all. That would be more akin to someone saying "I don't want to hang out with you tonight" and the other party responding "Fuck off and die, you Nazi". Hardly tit for tat.
    - But no, I'm absolutely not disgusted by them—exhibit A: that was a joke. Thankfully, jokes are much more funny when explained!

  6. The difference is that the whole "gay thing" is almost monopolized by feminine/stereotypical gay guys, irrelevant of whether its an act or not. Further more, there is way more hatering on non-conforming gay guys (i.e. masculine/str8 acting/whatever) by the feminine/stereotypical gay guys than the opposite.

    Don't you see what kind of position that puts masculine gay guys in?

    As for the often repeated idea that the older generation painted the whole gay thing as flamboyant because they had to do it on order to get attention for practical reasons, that is fair, but it isn't the 60's anymore, and most of the gay world these days is more interested in easy sex, clubbing, partying and general sleaziness than anything actually worthy of respect.

    If anyone deserves respect, it should be the actual men who did what they did back in the day, not the cliches riding on their legacy, getting a free pass for doing nothing. But nowhere did No Hetero criticize the old generation of guys.

    I also find the idea of 'without us things would be even harder' to be a bit arrogant. It's as if now all gay guys are going to be eternally indebted to the 'original gays' and any dude who breaks from the original pattern is somehow going to be treated as a heretic.

    It's absurd.

    Being gay is a sexuality. Nothing more. 'Gay', the way the whole gay movement painted it, has turned it into an identity, and irrelevant of whether that was necessary in the 60's or not, today it isn't necessary, and asking guys who reject the manufactured identity based on something neutral like sexuality, to respect it or somehow pay gratitude to it, is imposing and assumes that all gay guys are automatically part of it, when they aren't. It's giving them an identity without even asking if they want it or not.

    Refer to what I said before about how the whole gay thing has been monopolized by feminine/stereotypical guys.

    If No Hetero were to come out publicly, he would automatically have to reject the misconceptions placed onto him by the mass of feminine/stereotypical gays, robbing him of the chance to assert his own identity without having to go on the defense automatically.

    Again, irrelevant of what was or wasn't necessary in the 60's, it isn't the 60's anymore, and the method in which 'gay acceptance' was pushed for DID have a negative effect on gay guys who didn't tow the line. (i.e. masculine/str8 acting guys)

  7. I think that the "gay" become a identity, and more close to feminine identity, because the firsts one to come out of the closet were feminine. So the society, the ways it operates: feminine guys- come out-paredes-all the gays are feminines. But, now othe "kinds" of gays are coming out, like Matt Bommer, etc. The world is become more accepted for everyone.

  8. "In the end, we don't want our own club. We want everyone in the same club. We don't want gay bars or straight bars; we want bars where any two people could hook up and no one would notice."

    Yeah, that is definitely not what I want. I like having my gay safe spaces. So please don't speak for me.

    1. I feel bad for those of you that don't have the attention span to read a blog post in its entirety. When you look at a thin, 100-page book do you think "OHHH thas sooo long!! Can you just summarize it in a series of tweets?!11one" ?

      If you had skipped to the penultimate paragraph rather than just read the last paragraph, you would have seen:

      "I am trying to create a place for people like me. There are already gay bars, and LGBTQ groups that work for some. If they work for you, great."

      So no, I wasn't speaking for you. I might, however, recommend that you do allow someone more intelligent to speak for you until you learn not to sound like a myopic halfwit.