Thursday, February 7, 2013

Guys I've Banged Pt II - Luke

I met Luke while I was studying abroad in London. It wasn't difficult for me to make friends with the British girls who saw me as some sort of a novelty American boy, but Luke was my first foreign guy friend. He was tall, had brown hair, blue eyes and thick eyelashes. He also was into the gym so he had a nicer body than I did at the time. He was popular in the group, and while a fairly nouveau riche (fuck, I said I wouldn't use French again), he threw a lot of parties while his parents were off in Malta, or who-knows-where.

He started inviting me to "stay round his place" and I was happy not to have to make the trek back to the other side of the city at the end of the night. What's different about sleeping over at a mate's place in the UK is that you often sleep in the same bed. This is not a homo thing. It's considered rude to banish a friend to the couch. I found this weird, but everyone seemed to be clear that it was the norm. A couple months later, we were better friends and I had become accustomed to sleeping at his place in his bed.

One night we went out and, as per usual, got shit-hammered drunk. I'm talkin' shots of absinthe at four in the morning drunk. Luke, his friend Ben and I stumbled out of a cab and into his empty house. Can all three of us fit in the bed? Fuck it, it's huge--why not?

Luke was in the middle and Ben and I were on the outside. I had been asleep for some minutes when I felt something brushing up against my junk. John had scooted his euro-briefs-covered butt back to the point where it was lightly touching me. Luke claimed the next day that I had made the first move, and I swear that he had, but it was so blurry that I can't actually be sure. We started grinding up against each other, now both fully aroused, and started making out. I honestly can't remember whether either of us finished, but it was a wild time with Ben passed out right next to us.

In the morning we acted like nothing had happened, and it was apparent that Ben had slept through the whole thing. From then on things got a little weird.

I didn't really like Luke as more than a friend. I just wasn't attracted to him in that way. But I would get drunk and shit would happen. He later told me that lying in bed with my arm around him had been "the safest and most comfortable he had ever felt". This scared the shit out me. Luke was falling in love with me and I didn't feel the same way. I wanted to stay friends, but I was increasingly having to defend against his sexual advances. Worse was that he started to get jealous when I would talk to female friends. At one point this girl that liked me pseudo rape-kissed me in front of him and for weeks he would make up excuses for why she wasn't allowed to come to his parties. I came dislike him more and more as this strange love polygon formed, so I was in some sense glad to extricate myself and return to the US.

Luke came out shortly thereafter and transformed into a fairly typical gay bro—getting into the scene and sleeping with a bunch of guys. He later found a serious boyfriend and they dated for a couple years, I think. We talked once on Facebook a few years later:
"Hey, so you do you not like guys anymore or something?"
"No, I do."
"But you haven't told anyone yet?"
"Just a few people."
"I don't get it. Have you been trying to cover it up by dating girls?"
"No, not really."
"You should just come out. It's way better and no one cares"
"I will eventually. Just doesn't make sense right now"
Luke was the first guy to express feelings toward me that I couldn't return. Unfortunately, he would not be the last.

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