Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Hetero Friends

The title of this post should really just be "friends" as all of my friends are hetero. I'd like to have friends that aren't hetero, but I don't want to settle for people who suck. Attraction to the same gender is not enough in common to build a real friendship. I have some friends that live in other places that I talk to about non-hetero stuff, but no one that I can go grab a beer with regularly.

I can also kind of talk to a my two close guy friends who know that I like dudes. I say 'kind of' because even though it isn't awkward, they still say hilariously ignorant shit. I still remember the shocked and confused looks on their faces the day I told them. "B-but…you can't be…you…but". It was complicated because we had all joked about homo stuff in a non-derogatory way. And even though I was being serious when I made statements like "Nah, I'm not really into dating girls," they seemed to agree that I was some sort of super-hetero. In fact, they both thought the whole thing was an extended joke for the entire day.

One friend has started qualifying everything he says to make him seem like he's chill with me liking guys, I guess? So he'll say " a really hot girl—or bro (!)...girls or guys, you know, either one. Whatever".  I don't need him to add "or guys" after everything because I don't give a shit whom he is attracted to, and just expect the same lack of interest. Also, whenever he gets drunk (which is often) he'll ask some ridiculous question that has clearly been burning in his mind: "so you wouldn't be [on the] bottom, right?" or "isn't it just too tight?" They seem to have amnesia when it comes to the fact that heteros have plenty of anal sex. And maybe they just assume everyone has monstrous genitalia? I can't explain what goes on in their minds.

It's also weird when my guy friends get cuddly or sleep in my bed. Yes, this happens and I never give the invitation. It's one thing if the guy knows and everything is above board. It's weird when he doesn't know, but is getting kind of affectionate towards me in a bro-y, but not sexual, way. I'm not attracted to any of my close friends because they are like brothers, but it puts me in a weird situation. I want to bro-out, and I'm capable of doing it in a playful, platonic way, but I don't want them to later think that I was trying to pull something, even though they were the ones initiating the behavior. On the other hand, friends of friends are fair game. I crush on my bros' friends pretty hard and pretty consistently, and sometimes even get in my own head about whether they might be into dudes. The brothers of friends can also be killer.

Regardless, I have a great group of guy friends and we have a raging good time together regularly. Our guy time usually doesn't have anything to do with "getting bitches" so there's no conflict. Most of them don't know that I'm not so into females, but I like to think that the majority of them wouldn't give a shit. At the same time, I have to wonder whether it would change things to an extent if they did know. Sexuality is a surprisingly common topic, and I don't need to talk about it all the goddamn time. I'm imagining someone saying "blow me" and there being an awkward pause, followed by heads turning to me. Realistically, I'd just make a joke and we'd move on, but it could still change the entire dynamic of the group.

I'm hoping that I'll just find a really cool guy and that I'll just introduce the idea through him and once they realize that it's not weird and that it actually is just like a bunch of guys hanging out until the end of the night when they pair off with dumb girls and I don't. Pray to some deities on my behalf that this occurs sooner rather than later. Thanks.

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1 comment:

  1. I have a buddy that doesn't know I'm gay that tends to get affectionate towards me often. I'm not attracted to him at all but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if he likes the guys a little. Haha.