Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Religious People: Coocoo For Cocoa Puffs

Religious people need to chill the hell out.

Like non heteros, religious people run the gamut in almost every way. Some are nice, others mean, some intelligent, others dumb. What they have in common is a belief in magic. Magic's sweet, don't get me wrong. I just understand it isn't real. Magic is by definition inexplicable, so don't try to be like "derrr there's magic in nature, like sun and the stars are magical!" Astrophysics is not magic; it's just complex.

The other commonality among religious people is the self-identification as the member of a cult.

Being spiritual is one thing. Science hasn't figured out the exact origins of the universe or life yet, and, given how remarkably small we are in the scheme of things, it's not unreasonable to assume there's something else involved besides just us.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Women Pt II

First off, check out my previous post relating to women, if you haven't already.

So I've had a couple very vivid dreams about having sex with women. And I know what you're thinking: everyone occasionally has dreams involving members of the sex they don't consider themselves attracted to, and it doesn't "mean" anything. And I tend to agree.

But don't you ever wonder whether you are attracted to women, just a little? I know that I'm into dudes primarily, and I don't try to repress that, but every now and then I feel like I'm into girls too. I haven't had real sex with a girl in quite a while, and usually when I did I was thinking about guys or just not that into it.

However, I do feel a little bisexual. Girls and vaginas do not gross me out and some girls are very sexy. I don't tend to think about them or notice them as much on the street or even at the beach, but it still crosses my mind occasionally.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Bro-friend Vacay Visit

Hey y'all I'm on a little vacay—seriously I'm on one right now. Hard.

You can find me in the clurb

Just kidding I hate clubs; well not hate, but they are usually pretty fucking stupid. Oh can I please pay $500 for a bottle of vodka so I can sit at a table in an attempt to look impressive to other idiot douchebags? And thanks random chick, but I'm not going to bang you. Wouldn't bang you if I were hetero.

For those of you that can't, or feel as if you can't, get into "good" clubs, know that they are all shitty. They are different levels of shitty, but they are all shitty. Even when they contain attractive people, those people tend to be the worst fucking people. The type of people that feel they need to go to a trendy club, spend $20 on a drink, and "be seen" are unsurprisingly some of the most insecure, vacuous, horrific persons on this spinning globe.

Bars can be fun, but it depends on a lot of things. I'm down if the weather's nice and they have some outdoor space, be it on a roof or a deck. The beer halls in Europe are nice, too. New York is actually starting to have more beer halls, but New Yorkers ruin it by coming dressed-for-the-runway or like a goddamn hipster. It's a beer hall—leave your billowy silk scarf and urban slim-fit fedora at home.

But enough about what sucks.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Gay Marriage

First, what do we mean by marriage? Is it just a formal declaration of two people's dedication to one another, or does the word imply some religious connotation? If it inherently implies something religious, then the government should not recognize a marriage in any legal way. This seems like common sense separation of church and state: the government should not be in the business of deciding what is or is not a "legitimate" religious union. The government has no right to dictate what a religious marriage is, but no one is forced in this country to be a part of a religion, so who cares?

In the eyes of the government, everyone should have a civil union, or whatever other term you want to give it. After that, people are welcome to do whatever kooky ceremony they want for their cult, ahem, religion. Don't get offended; organized religions are just cults that grew large enough that society was forced to recognize them and give them special treatment. Churches like this should not be treated as tax-free NPOs.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Guys I've Banged Pt III - Conor

Conor was possibly the only bro that I've met—as far as I know—where I may have been more interested than he was.

Like Luke, I met Conor while living in London. He was a fellow American studying abroad and we met online through a pseudo-sketchy European website before I had made the move across the pond. We talked for a few weeks via IM and vchat and he seemed like a normal, cool guy. He went to one of UCs in California where he played club soccer.

Oh, and he was fucking attractive as hell. He had brown hair, cut relatively short and kind of spiked up randomly, but without any products, and a toned soccer body, equipped with a nice set of abdominals.

With the craziness of the move, it wasn't until about a month after I had moved that we actually met up. We met at an outdoor cafe over a couple tall mugs of beer. We talked and talked some more; got tipsy, and had some food and more beers.

We eventually relocated to a nearby square, but continued to drink. The night staggered forward as we conversed about normal stuff—like two new platonic friends might. By 2AM we were pretty wasted and engaging in a conversation with a random drunk couple about god-knows-what.
"Hey! Did you drink the last beer?" asked Conor.
I looked at him mischievously.
"Fucker! Well I have some wine back at my place."

Saturday, March 9, 2013


Having a family is an interesting part of life. In some ways it's a role of the dice in that some relatives seem to inherently get along, while others do not. But there are also family members that 'work at' their relationships with one another to improve them.

Being a non hetero can test these relationships from both sides. It's up to you whether you feel you feel comfortable being open with them about your interests, and to what extent. This isn't necessarily unique to NHs, as there are many heteros that behave differently around their parents or hide some aspects of their lives.

It also tests them in terms of their ability to accept you for you are. Accept, not tolerate. Tolerance is not sufficient--it implies they are merely 'putting up with you'.

My parents are super chill and for the most part laissez-faire, but I still haven't told them what's up. I think my Mom must suspect something because my brother has dated about 80 (horrible) girls, and I've officially dated ~0, though there have been plenty of attractive ones around. My Dad, on the other hand, seems to have no idea. He's a brilliant guy, but social observations aren't his forte.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Bromo Movies: Best No Hetero Flicks

Do you remember the moment you realized that you liked shitty 90s teen movies for the male lead characters? 

Wait, can my attraction to bros be traced back to Paul Walker in Varsity Blues? Shit, internets, we're really working out my psychological history here...

Understanding who we are and what we are is a process, and it's pretty strange to keep a secret like being of a different orientation. Specifically, puberty is a fucked up time for a lot of us.

For me, it wasn't that I had any trouble at school, or with other people, but it was when I realized that I was play-punching my brother's friend in the stomach because I liked the feeling of his abs against my knuckles—that it wasn't the norm to not think about girls when they weren't around.  I wasn't thinking about guys in a sexual way yet, but I definitely wasn't day-dreaming about chicks. At all.

Once I realized I liked dudes I didn't know what else that meant. I saw the media depiction of gays, but that basically just depressed me: "Oh, so it's like we're all supposed to be jokes?" I thought to myself.  Awesome. Because those were essentially the gay characters that were visible back in the day. Similarly to the way black people were portrayed in teen movies as "token" characters, there were token gay dudes who acted all stereotypically. This is still very common, but has improved some.

Over the years I've watched some of the "gay interest" shows and movies (spoiler alert: most are horrific). I figured I'd share a list of some of the ones I've seen and what I thought about them. My ratings are what I think of them compared to other gay movies, not to actual (good) movies.

Shelter (2007)

It's not really well-acted or "good" but it's probably the best one I've seen in terms of making me think, "Why isn't actual life like this? Where are all these gay surfer bros? "

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Hetero Friends Part II

These guys. These fucking guys.

It's really strange when you're having a conversation with two guys and one knows you like dudes and the other one doesn't. One knows that it's not chill to say something like "what a FAGGOT," and the other has no idea. You both just kind of invisibly cringe when he says it and then have a little telepathy about how it's funny/weird that he has no idea.

Broheims seem to love to talk about sex and sexuality.