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Sunday, March 10, 2013

Guys I've Banged Pt III - Conor

Conor was possibly the only bro that I've met—as far as I know—where I may have been more interested than he was.


Like Luke, I met Conor while living in London. He was a fellow American studying abroad and we met online through a pseudo-sketchy European website before I had made the move across the pond. We talked for a few weeks via IM and vchat and he seemed like a normal, cool guy. He went to one of UCs in California where he played club soccer.

Oh, and he was fucking attractive as hell. He had brown hair, cut relatively short and kind of spiked up randomly, but without any products, and a toned soccer body, equipped with a nice set of abdominals.

With the craziness of the move, it wasn't until about a month after I had moved that we actually met up. We met at an outdoor cafe over a couple tall mugs of beer. We talked and talked some more; got tipsy, and had some food and more beers.

We eventually relocated to a nearby square, but continued to drink. The night staggered forward as we conversed about normal stuff—like two new platonic friends might. By 2AM we were pretty wasted and engaging in a conversation with a random drunk couple about god-knows-what.
"Hey! Did you drink the last beer?" asked Conor.
I looked at him mischievously.
"Fucker! Well I have some wine back at my place."


Back at his apartment, we sat on the futon a few inches apart. We were pretty sloppy so there was some leaning on each other that, for some reason, was super arousing. He'd reach over me to type something on the laptop, letting some of his bodyweight rest on my shoulder. Instantly hard.

We talked some more and I made fun of him with a smirk on my face. Both of us had been playing it cool and neither of us had made a move right away. I was finishing my wine when suddenly he looked up at me and widen his eyes as if to say "Well?!" I looked back at him like "Yep, go for it buddy."

A moment later he lunged at me and we were kissing and wrestling on the couch. Shirts flew and our firm bodies intertwined. The party moved to the bedroom where we messed around for a couple hours.  At one point I swear he kind of presented me his ass, but neither of us had had that kind of sex with a guy before so that would have been ambitious for a first drunken hookup.

In the morning he indicated that he had stuff to do so I peaced back to my place.

Over the next weeks, a chafing "game" of drunk texting ensued. I texted him and he responded but then let the conversation die. A week after that he texted me, but then I intentionally let it die. Then I asked him straight up if he wanted to chill again. He said yes, but no plans were made. Another time he texted me, and asked to meet up in 30 minutes. I got ready to meet him but then he never finalized the plan. So I thought, "OK fuck this guy" and didn't see him for another month.

Then randomly he started going to the same gym as me. I'd see him and we'd be friendly, but kind of awkward. He'd be there with some friend and it seemed like he was worried that the friend would figure everything out. Oddly enough, his friend started to befriend me and ask me to go on trips with him and shit. The kid, while pretty good looking, was also pretty fucking annoying, so I didn't hang out with him. Still, it bugged me that Conor didn't seem to want to hang with me.

Eventually I decided to send him a blunt text:
HEY MAN, WHAT'S BEEN UP WITH YOU? LISTEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR DEAL IS, BUT DO YOU WANT TO CHILL AGAIN SOMETIME? JUST TELL ME WHAT'S UP BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL. 
He responded that he did want to hang but then I never heard anything else and he subsequently didn't seem like he wanted to say what up when we'd overlap at the gym.

So finally I realized what it was like to be on the other end—to be into someone more than they're into you. It's one thing with straight guys where it's just expected, but it's totally different when you've hooked up.

To be honest, the guy was also a fairly big head-case in that he still wanted to be dating girls and stuff, so that probably contributed. Ah well, that's a least a little comforting. As is the fact that it's only happened with one guy. Still, I wouldn't mind some studly bros hanging around these days, even just to jones after.



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3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing. It is always tough for me to let go of someone who I think might have been a great match, even if he doesn't always think so. Maybe that's just my insecurity.

    I too have been on the other end of that, much earlier in life, when I was not close to being ready to admit that I like guys.

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  2. I'm kind of in love with you...

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  3. Hot guy. Its a shame. We all have shit to deal through.

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