So I've had a couple very vivid dreams about having sex with women. And I know what you're thinking: everyone occasionally has dreams involving members of the sex they don't consider themselves attracted to, and it doesn't "mean" anything. And I tend to agree.
But don't you ever wonder whether you are attracted to women, just a little? I know that I'm into dudes primarily, and I don't try to repress that, but every now and then I feel like I'm into girls too. I haven't had real sex with a girl in quite a while, and usually when I did I was thinking about guys or just not that into it.
However, I do feel a little bisexual. Girls and vaginas do not gross me out and some girls are very sexy. I don't tend to think about them or notice them as much on the street or even at the beach, but it still crosses my mind occasionally.
I don't want to force myself in either direction, but shit's already complicated enough for me, so honestly it'd be nice to just have zero attraction to girls.
But when someone is throwing sexual attention my way it feels natural to reciprocate to some degree. I'm not into the typical slutty girls that seem to get a lot of bros going, but when a genuinely beautiful girl comes up to me and is making eyes and being affectionate, I often seem to get pulled in. Being wasted doesn't help, either.
Then, at the end of the night of flirting and possibly grinding and kissing, I am left with the decision of whether to sleep with this girl. I usually opt not to, but it's not always because I don't want to have sex with her. Sometimes it's because I remember previous chicks that get attached and call and text and call. I know with 99.9% certainty that I won't be able to love this girl, even if for whatever reason I do find her attractive.
On occasion I've also had females grill me as to why I won't go home with them. It irks me that I have to lie to give them an answer that they are satisfied with. If I say "sorry, I'm not interested" or something to that extent, they usually just take that as a challenge. Girls' self-esteem is already low as shit, so it kind of makes me feel bad to turn down a chick who's throwing herself at me. That's why, once or twice, I've just dropped the bomb on them: "I'm just not really into girls."
What follows is denial and a series of stupid questions and statements:
You can't be.No. You kissed me, you delusional girl. Some would call it a rape-kiss if the roles were reversed. And yes, it was obviously a mistake to talk to you, my bad.
You really don't seem gay at all!
I can always tell.
Why were you talking to me?
You kissed me.
Don't misinterpret this as arrogance. I'm just being honest, and definitely not bragging. I'm glad that people are sexually interested me, but the feeling is the same for me as it is for everyone else: bummed because the person I'm into (see: straight guy) isn't thinking about me in that way. We can't change whom we're attracted to, but that'd be a helluva lot more simple if we could...