Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Jason Collins Teaches Heteros World Is Round, Is Chill

People thought that the world was flat because it appeared flat from their perspective and they didn't notice any evidence to the contrary. People thought that nonheteros didn't exist or were caricatures because it appeared this way from their perspective and they didn't notice any evidence to the contrary.

Jason Collins will help force people to wrap their minds around what it actually means to be a nonhetero. He is, literally and figuratively, a giant piece of evidence that non heteros exist and that how we look or act is extremely variable. This is what scientists call the "monkey-see, monkey-no-longer-irrationally-homophobic".

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Am I the Only Cool Nonhetero...

In the entire world?

Sure feels like it.

I hit the proverbial jackpot just by being born. I have a family and many good friends who love and support me. I have accomplishments, aptitude, creativity, and symmetry. I am not actually (as much of) a dick (as I seem).

Why does no one feel good enough for me? Sometimes I feel like I'm sabotaging myself when it comes to relationships. He's not smart/handsome/in shape/chill/fun enough? He's gotta be all that shit? Just because I feel that I am?

In case it wasn't clear to you non purple-circle bros, I was not drunk venn diagraming. I added that as a update. Also, it took under one minute to make

Thursday, April 25, 2013

WTF is Heteronormativity Part II

It's funny because to many bros what I write and the points that I make, while sometimes controversial, are clear. Others seem to be skipping lines, or reading between them unnecessarily, and the result is misunderstanding. So I'll take another crack at it and try to speak as plainly as possible.

"your earlier posts are pretty condescending to anyone who follows stereotypical gay identity trends, which makes it seem like you are concerned with what other people are doing and how it reflects on you."
I would criticize anyone who follows a trend out of insecurity or "to fit in", but if you happen to truly agree with something that other people are doing or like, that's obviously fine. It's everyone's prerogative to live a largely self-indulgent life, and either pretend their actions don't affect others or simply not care, but we'll get to that.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

WTF is Heteronormativity?

One of the readers of this blog submitted a few interesting questions that I thought warranted a post response. No vitriol this time, though.
lol gay

What are your opinions on heteronormativity and the current trend of gays trying to mirror heterosexual relationships and family structures? Did you ever consider that perhaps the 'straight acting' masculine trend in the gay community is a form of heteronormativity? Or is it just another way of saying not what is typically perceived as classically gay in the modern sense? Do you feel as if being attracted solely to males or mostly to males makes one gay? I ask this because not once in any of your posts did you refer to yourself as gay, queer, homosexual or the desired partner of your choice.

First of all, the questions are framed to assume that the current trend, if it even exists, is a negative one that is moving non heteros away from their "true form". As if all homos were liberated, true to themselves, and happy before, and now society and other nonheteros are ganging up on them to force them to conform again. To my mind, what is actually happening is that a new generation of non heteros is emerging that has a somewhat different identity than the prior ones.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Judgmental or Observant?

With many of these so-called delicate subjects, there's a tendency for a knee-jerk response of "OMG, don't be judgmental!" But what the hell is the real difference between being observant and being judgmental anyways?

Basically people will call you judgmental if you say anything negative about someone who is a part of a "weaker" group and observant if you say something negative about a member of a "stronger" group. What's particularly strange about this is that even if the criticism of the "weaker" group is better reasoned, it still gets labeled in the same way, so it doesn't seem to relate to accuracy. And while I'm definitely not one for kicking a dog while its down, some of these conventions are counterproductive at this point in time.
"That rich, white douche is driving that fancy car because he's compensating for his small penis" 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Euro Bro No Mo'

I miss Europe sometimes bros.

I didn't mention this before, but in addition to the semester that I spent in London in college, I also lived abroad for about 14 months last year.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Me - Part I

Some bros have been writing me and requesting that I post more pictures of myself, and more stuff from my daily life. I also know that some people read for the more general thought-pieces.

So I'll oblige and occasionally post some pictures of myself as part of a more personal post.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Dem Cookie Cuttah Brahs

So I received this comment on my last post, and I think it's a good one. Well not "good" in the sense that it has anything insightful or interesting to say--it doesn't--but good in the sense that it adequately presents the stereotypical perspective for why some people believe everyone ought to be out the moment they realize they like guys. Read my favorite post, A Late Introduction, for the earlier manifestation of this type of discussion. 

AnonymousApr 9, 2013, 7:43:00 AM
dude, reach around in your pants for a sec. down there you might find these two dangly things called balls. you should grab onto them, get over how "friends" might react and tell people.
1. you can be honest about your feelings with yourself and others
2. you're more free to share the views you share here but IRL
3. you learn who your friends are
4. it gets better an shit
blaming your mates for not "pumping you up" sounds like you're projecting your own hangups on the issue.
and blaming karma or the universe or something for not delivering to you a knight in shining gay armour in order to make it easy for you to come out is, well, come on: honey really?
just come out to the next person you have coffee with, start with that, who ever it is.

So let's take this hodgepodge of generic talking points and false dichotomies one piece at a time.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Why I'm Not "Out" Yet

I don't like the terminology around the idea of "coming out". It implies that a person has been lying or hiding and/or that it needs to be some big announcement.

In an ideal world we would all realize our orientations at a young age, or at least at the same time. In the real world, we come to understand who we are and what we like at very different ages; some people claim to know from as young as five, and others claim not to have known until well into adulthood.
YOLO is carpe diem for idiots, but who cares
It doesn't help that many kids are not properly educated on the topic of sexual orientation.  Health/sex education classes, if existent, are often antiquated, biassed and only marginally helpful. My school had plenty of resources and was fairly progressive so we learned about sex, masturbation, and other puberty shit, but little was said about the fact that a couple people in the room were probably non heteros. 

Thursday, April 4, 2013

No Hetero in the Workplace

Being a non hetero at work is yet another tricky situation.

Maybe you're not open to anyone, only out to close friends and family, or even out to most people but have no homosexual mannerisms. Basically if you fall into any category besides visibly-, or noticeably-homosexual, then you've been in this situation.

Since your co-workers expect "clues" if you're anything except a regular hetero bro, it's kind of on you to say something when the subject arises. "I had NO idea, you just didn't seem gay at all hehe LOL!!111one"

Coworker 1: Whatever man, as long as there are attractive females there.
You: *laughs* *silence* 
Coworker 2: Did you see that girl?! Damn
You: Nope, I didn't notice her.
Coworker 3: Dude, that girl was into you.
You: Ha yeah, wasn't feeling her.
Coworker 3: You're picky man.
You: If you're not interested, you're not interested

The problem is that the longer you wait and the more of those moments that you let pass, the harder it becomes to broach the subject. You get into this holding pattern of rationalizing why you didn't make it clear at this moment, or that one. "Well, I didn't actually lie or say I liked chicks. I just didn't respond, or agreed that she was pretty. She was pretty. Am I not allowed to say girls are good looking even if I'm not attracted to them?"