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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

American Hetero

Hi internets,

I just wanted to write to so you don't get worried about me.

Things are going pretty well for me here in the real world, but that doesn't mean I don't think about you regularly. I still think you're chill and cherish our friendship, and shit. So, like, let's stay in touch and set a skype date super soon OK?!

Great.

But ya know, it's weird being a twenty-something in this country. Most people are in this strange liminal state between young adulthood and "real" adulthood. They have jobs, but aren't necessarily starting their "career". We graduated from college, but some people are already back in school or planning on returning in the next year or two. We have some disposable income, which we're great a disposing of, so probably have no savings.  This means many of us live weekend to weekend, pay check to pay check, regardless if we make 100K or 30K.

Some of us are trying to become more adult by doing things like taking better care of our health, getting up early on the weekends, calling our parents, making dinner for each other, and generally trying to plan more things. We say stuff like "c'mon we aren't in college any more" or "I just want to do something a little more...adult". Others of us still feel like college kids, only older and more guilty about our decisions. We say things like "Just because we graduated doesn't mean we can't still have fun" or "we're only X years old, it's not like we're Y". 

Why don't you just grow up and be miserable like everyone else? Work too much. Get out of shape. Let your mind dull and liquify. Get into a committed relationship with someone that isn't right for you and hold onto them for dear life.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Chillest (and weirdest). Dad. Ever.

My pop is a crazy guy. He grew up in a Manhattan suburb surrounded by millionaires like the Rockafellers and other "important" people, and attended the best schools in the country. He also smoked a ton of "marijuana cigarettes" and experimented with other drugs. Despite his preppy origins, he always felt like an alternative person. This is partly expressed outwardly, in that he has long-ish hair, wears converse and is teaching himself how to play the guitar, but more importantly it's something he feels internally that dictates how he has sculpted his life.


Over the years, my Dad has had few jobs, but his primary modus operandi has always been that of an intellectual. And since I was fairly young, my father has treated me like an intellectual equal, despite his vast knowledge and experience. Perhaps more importantly, he has treated me like a friend. In fact, he's friendly to, and respectful of, basically everyone. And even though he's an atheist, I have no qualms likening his views and actions to that of a figure like Jesus Christ.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Hey man, can I tell you something?


* * *
me: hey man can I tell you something?
Tom: yo sorry been running around, but what's up?
me: so I've been meaning to mention this for a while in person but I just haven't because people are always so shocked that it makes it tough.
anyways, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but I just feel like we're close friends so it's weird for me that you don't know that I'm not much for the ladies
Tom: I totally understand feeling uncomfortable about bringing that up in person, but glad you did now. To be honest it's something that I've thought about, but wanted to let you bring it up cause I wasn't sure
me: hah alright well you're more keen than either ___ or ____, apparently
Tom: I don't know if that was the right now or not
me: who both thought I was making an extended joke
Tom: well good for me hah
of course they would think that
Tom: I kind of feel like I'm on the very opposite end of the spectrum so maybe that makes it easy for me haha
me: hah yeah I don't know, I think some people just have a better sense than others
Tom: yeah I was slightly kidding but I think you're right
so if you don't mind me asking, is this something you've known for a while?
me: yeah it kind of has been a while now
just rough because I feel like I have nearly nothing in common with stereotypical gay people in general
Tom: yeah well a lot of the culture at least that I know isn't really like you at all
me: yeah...not my thing...
be right back
Tom: but I feel like that could be in large part because of my location in the _____ ha
alright no worries
me: yeah
(a few minutes pass)

me: so yeah, there's that
Tom: haha
big drop for a Monday
me: sorry bro hah
Tom: haha obviously not a problem...mainly just doing apt/new job stuff today
me: anyways I don't want it to be awkward so feel free to say anything or ask me anything, but basically I'm still me, and don't have any plans to change just because of whatever stereotypes and cultures are out there
Tom: yeah don't worry, I wouldn't think that anything would need to change or be weird or whatever.
As long as you're still comfortable with me going out looking for ladies most of the time hah
me: hah dude, that part is actually better
Tom: although with this whole ____ thing that may be slowing down...
me: I'm an ideal wingman for that reason hah
Tom: hahah perfect
me: I don't really like to broadcast it, but if I tell girls
they are immediately super friendly and want to meet my friends
we can go babe hunting, don’t worry dude hah
I like doing that anyways, just not when it's under false pretenses
cause it's really awkward when these girls want to bang you, which happens a fair amount to me
so I kind of got sick of it
Tom: yeah I don't see the need to broadcast it, glad that you told me though.
ha and yeah, good to just let a girl know in that situation
and when they're shot down you can just pass them off to me
me: exaacctlyy
meet my friend, Tom who, unlike me, actually wants you
win win
was the same at ____’s bday, and she's a cool girl
but this other _____ girl was yapping at me
and obviously since there's no end game for me, so it's just the worst
you already know how girls annoy the shit out of me typically
Tom: haha yeah that's brutal, would make it so annoying.
well next time i'll be there to swoop 'em up, ___ girls love me
jkjk
me: hah
yeah well now I could
wouldn't have really made sense before
"yo Tom, I'm talking to hot girl, not interested, come take over"
Tom: ha yeah I know
me: I know your type by now too dude haaa
me: to be fair I do still sometimes have sex with girls, but it kind of fucks with my head so I haven't recently
Tom: that was actually one question I had, essentially "where on the spectrum" you were
my coworker's bisexual and seems to hook up with guys and girls, but definitely mostly girls
me: pretty far towards the dude end I think, if a girl is super hot then I feel like I want to have sex with her
but I don't usually think about girls when they're not around
who is this coworker hahah
me: you'll have to keep your ears open for me on that end too dude because guys like me are apparently rare as fuck
Tom: hahaha i'll do my best
my coworker is, unfortanely, a girl. Sophie
me: oh well that's whatever
all girls are bisexual
Tom: she's the _____ girl that I hang out with all the time
me: ohh alright
have you...taken advantage of that fact? haha
Tom: hahaha well she legit is, I think she's a lesbian, and not bi, but just occasionally hooks up with dudes
I have not, although she has hooked me up with a friend of hers, but haven't taken advantage in the way you're talking ha
me: hah that takes some coaxing
Tom: ____ has a good friend by the way that's gay, ____
me: yeah but he probably sucks
Tom: he's a really good looking dude, but definitely more on the flamboyant side
hahaha
me: yeah no sale
can't even deal with a little bit of that
unfortunately
there are straight dudes that are too effeminate for me ha
so yeah... really pigeon holing myself, but these are the cards I was dealt
Tom: hah yeah definitely seems like you'd be cutting down a significant portion there, but I thought maybe you could meet the guy next time you're up cause he seems to be in the scene
we've hung out a bunch, had some very drunk sundays together
me: I feel like the scene is full of people I wouldn't be into
me: have you been to a gay bar before? it's fairly unpleasant
actually usually some very attractive girls though
Tom: I went to _____, that place around the corner from my apartment, with my coworker once but it's definitely more of a lesbian bar
Tom: and yeah I've heard girls like to frequent gay bars sometimes, trying to get rid of the guys incessantly hitting on them
me: hah yeah also you have to be pretty secure in yourself to roll up to a gay bar as a straight dude
Tom: yeah definitely, wouldn't roll up by myself but I'd wingman it for ya. I'd just have to scope out that elusive single ladies crew hah

* * *


Rough start, but strong finish. Feeling good today.

* * * 
For those of you just reading for the first time, take a gander a this post before commenting. Thanks.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Struggling

I think it's dumb when bloggers say "I've been busy" and imply that they are so busy that they don't have enough time to write a blogpost. They are not that busy, and I'm not that busy. I've have been much busier, but mostly I just haven't felt like writing lately.

I think I sort of "chickened out" out last weekend in not telling a couple more close buds that I like dudes. I don't normally have this problem. I usually think about something carefully and then once I've decided to do it, I do it. So it kind of made me feel like shit that I backed down. I really didn't think I was scared to tell people, but maybe I am a little. But it doesn't feel like fear, it feels like something else.