Wednesday, September 25, 2013

No Hetero in the Workplace Part II - Sam

I'm still at the same job. I like it more or less. It's flexible, fairly stimulating and not stressful. I've also become good friends with one of my coworkers, Sam, who shares my office. Sam is a couple years younger, a couple inches taller—maybe 6"3—and a couple 10s of pounds lighter than I am. He has a brown swooping coif of fine, brown hair that sits just above his boyishly handsome face.

He's decently smart and a bit more cultured and socially adept than my other coworkers, so we get along well. We sometimes get lunch together or chill outside of work.  Recently, we started to play tennis together after work on some days. He's a pretty athletic guy; he is on a club soccer team and grew up with a tennis court. But I'm a little better than he is. Obviously. I have a friend who's whey (protein) better than me though so don't worry about my ego on this one, fools.

Sam and I have a very hetero relationship. When he first started I had a sizable mancrush on him, but it has mostly faded away. It's not fully clear to me why some guys lose appeal their to me. In this case it might be because he has a girlfriend and just generally seems super into chicks so I've rationally been able to stop thinking of him as a possibility. But I've had the opposite happen too: where I was friends with a guy whom I wasn't into and then years later I felt into him. Themysteriesofhumanattraction dot derp dot co dot uk.

Sam likes to talk about bitches.

Sam: Oh man there are hardly any hot girls in this area.
Me: Yeah, that's true. Not the most attractive people around here. 
Sam: Look at this girl on Facebook. Do you think she's hot?
Me: She's OK / Yeah she's pretty

My hints are admittedly small. And I'm also prone to saying shit like this:
Sam: Yeah but they don't want to get pregnant
Me: That's unlikely even if they were trying. Also just pull out. 
This is not me "trying to 'sound masculine'", this is just me stating my perspective. Granted I do totally understand how this "sends signals" that I'm hetero, but why should it? If you think about it there's nothing masculine or hetero about it really; it's pretty neutral on those scales.

Bros and people in general seem to be looking for strange indicators of sexuality in my opinion. I'll write a modern and not-stupidly-stereotypical post on "How to actually tell if your friend is not hetero".

Sneak peak: tight clothes, hair products, lisps, shopping, singing, makeup, and the color pink will not be mentioned.


  1. haha this is great. i've recently come out to my mom and a couple of friends but a lot of my friends are still trying to hook me up with girls. They'll invite me somewhere and mention "name of attractive girl" will be there also and give me a couple eyebrow raises. I just respond by saying, oh yeah it's been forever since i've seen her. it'd be cool to see her again. which is my honest answer, but it's a neutral one too that kind of deflects the situation. At these moments i still feel like i'm putting on a show a bit. a few times i've almost uttered, "i'm gay" in response, but i've kept myself in check. The 'fading attraction' phenomenon has also occurred with me, quite a few times. Usually it's pretty rapid. I'll go on one or two dates with a guy, find nothing wrong with him, think i'm attracted to him but once we become intimate i'll find him to be the most repulsive thing on the's a bit harsh but it's a weird phenomenon that happens. It usually happens most when someone is way more into me than i am. i find that incredibly unattractive. never had the opposite phenomenon occur...would actually prefer that to the alternative.

  2. Gender neutral comments FTW :(