Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Pursuit of Happiness & Telling Another Bro

Vacation is a strange thing. It's obviously great in many ways, but if you actually let yourself become absorbed by it, it's jarring to return to your regularly scheduled life.

Living the way I'm living is jarring in general, actually. I feel like I'm a slightly different version of myself depending whom I'm around, and the situation.

I think part of the reason non heteros are sometimes very high-achieving is because we feel we have to compensate for this 'flaw' of not being hetero. This is clearly bullshit on some level, but also makes sense on another, and explains a decent slice of societal behavior. And at the end of the day, what's wrong with being high-achieving? Sure, being comfortable and honest with yourself is more valuable than some arbitrary achievement, but the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. I do feel comfortable in my own skin, and I don't wish I were hetero, really. Maybe to make shit easier, sometimes, but I do like how I don't feel quite the same as anyone else on the planet.

One of the reasons why I've waited such a long time to tell people, and why I'm still not open about it to everyone is that I feel like I "have a lot to lose". I have great friends and family; I was born into essentially an aristocratic family--no that doesn't mean we're super loaded. And while I think all that shit is inherently flawed and mostly rejected it, tried to be my own bro and be "down to earth" or whatever, I have undeniably benefited from it. When you have a door marked "be a successful big shot" it's hard to quell the curiosity to take a peak. I know it's the wrong door for me, but people have a way of constantly, and indirectly reminding me of these "opportunities".

I do want to live an interesting and substantial life--not just chill on a beach some where--but I'm trying to do it on my own terms.

I'm just trying to be fucking happy here.

I also told another friend I'm not hetero. He was a family friend that I didn't know that well, but he kept talking about bitches so I just got sick of it and told him. It went like this:

Solid finish, again.


  1. Jealous!

    But really, sometimes reading your posts helps me think about how to tell my friends. (Especially the ones who bring up girls OFTEN) We are in similar situations and you're always a few steps ahead.

    Keep on keepin' on.

  2. The door has been left ajar.

  3. also have to appreciate the irony in the hetero guy asking the non-hetero guy to go on a yoga date

    1. hah my thoughts exactly...

  4. You sound reasonably intelligent. I too use the phrases, "non-hetero" or "non-breeder" since, like you, I do not identify as being part of LGBT community, whatever that is.

    But you tend to use a lot of profanity on this site. If you don't have to because of a lack of a comprehensive vocabulary (the reason I think most use such language), why do you continue in that vein?

    It doesn't make you sound grounded. Just lazy.

    1. You are unreasonably condescending given your inability to construct and punctuate a handful of English sentences without error.

      Thankfully, you make up for this foible by asking an inane question.

      But unwarranted condescension and an asinine question don't make you superior, just irritating. Notice how "just irritating" cannot be its own sentence as it lacks a verb.

      Language is dynamic. Words or phrases that you say today may have been considered profane or offensive in the past, or may be considered profane or offensive in the future. You brilliantly pointed out that use of profanity is not causally related to a deficient lexicon. Bravo. Now maybe go back and put your thinking cap on a bit longer and ponder why people might speak differently from one another.

      I have to agree with your bottom-line though: use of expletives is lazy and never adds anything to rhetoric. In fact, I think their use should be banned. That is why I will support your motion to enact Newspeak posthaste.

      Oh, and bro: go fuck yourself. :)

    2. Yeah anonymous commenter get off your motha fuckin high horse

  5. I fortunately had similar reactions with some close hetro friends. They even went to a gay bar with me immediately after I "ripped the band aid off" enlightened them. It was very challenging to find a bar in boystown that played any college football on that Saturday afternoon on Chicago's halsted street. They all are very handsome and are clearly acclimated to an inordinate amount of attention, having been one of "the most handsome men in the room" their whole lives. It was relieving to see they were flattered instead of uncomfortable when patrons sent them drinks. The best part of that experience was that our dynamics had not changed. It was business and Tom foolery as usual.

    Congrats NH!

  6. This on top of several other of your recent posts I've read in the past few days have struck very close to home. I know there are shit tons of other guys out there like me but it's crazy actually seeing thoughts so similar to mine written somewhere.

    Thanks for doing this blog, man.