Saturday, October 26, 2013

Capítulo Equis

My life be like ooh-ahh.

Last weekend I was hanging out with my bros and my bro's roommate had a friend in town visiting who I hadn't met before. He was hot as fuck and we got along really well. The whole night we were like:

He'd grab my shoulder when offering to buy me drink separate from everyone else; intense eye contact and coy smiles. And while man flirting is a great time, it kinda blows when it all amounts to nothing. You're just left wondering what it meant, if anything. I have a constantly-updating meter going in my head about whether the guys I'm around are into dudes. With this guy I was thinking there was over a 50% chance he was actually into me, but nothing happened and he lives in New Jersey. He did sleep in a bed with another dude though.

But they were clothed, and the other dude was not a good-looking one. 

Even though I didn't get with that guy I did have a great time getting wasted with my buds. We just go fucking crazy and have a blast. 

And then I compare that to Thursday night when I met up with Ryan for the first time in over a month. We met at this gay bar that kind of sucks. I mean there's nothing in particular about the shit inside of it, besides the people, that sucks, but it just kind of does. I met some more of his friends who were all fucking weird. They think it's chill/polite to be really fucking nosey and ask tons of personal questions. I was also asked if I was gay multiple times. Seriously how many heteros are there in gay bars? Not enough to ask that question when you're introduced to someone. 

Ryan got me pretty drunk and then was adamant that we go home together, so we did. I guess it's not a big deal because I think it's pretty clear what our relationship is. I'm sure he's trying to rekindle things, but at least has realistic expectations. 

I have hooked up with engaged bro a few more times as well, but not in the past couple weeks. His issues continue. He obviously likes me, e.g. he told me that I pop into his head sometimes when he's having sex with his girl. And he seems to have come to terms with his "bisexuality". It seems highly unlikely to me that he's truly into girls, but what the fuck do I know? I'm not in his head, and it's not my place to lecture him on his own sexuality and shit. 

I don't want people telling me what I am or what I should do, so I don't lecture him or give him much advice. I do think it's good that he has me talk about this stuff though because he really has no other outlet; he just fucking suppresses the shit out of it and hates on himself for being "fucked up". 

Regardless, he's leaving in February and I've been successful in not getting attached to him even though he is a studly motherfucker. 

Such is the state of things.


  1. It's good that you don't lecture your engaged bro -- he doesn't need someone telling him what to do. But when he's willing to open up to you, which you can encourage/facilitate, consider how much relief you are providing him with an outlet for his fears and doubts. He may need some kind of mentor to help him realize that suppression is not a effective long term strategy. And that mentor could be you. You already have a physically intimate relationship, why not open up an emotional one as well?

  2. Those touchy feely bro's >>>>>> / <<<<<<

  3. Thanks for posting. Great read.

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