Thursday, December 25, 2014

Surfcation / No One Cares

I just got back from a fucking awesome surf vacation in Mexico with my brother and some friends. Actually were technically my brother's friends, but I consider some mutual friends, as we've hung out without my broseph. Importantly, most of them were also good looking, chill guys. There were also a few chicas in the mix.

We rented a big villa right by a surfing beach with our own pool and errythang. Most of crew surfs all year rounds so they were crushing waves for the majority of most of the days we were there. I was alright on a longboard, but shortboards are fucking tricky. Whenever I know I'm going to have the opportunity to go surfing (about once a year) I always delude myself into thinking there's way more crossover from snowboarding. They're both boards, right?! Yeah...'cause in snowboarding you're often paddling and laying on your board? Regardless, it was still fun to be out in water.

We also rented a sailboat and sailed to a little island not far from our beach. It was a surreal paradise. 

My brother's friends were cool and mostly we had a great time drinking and being stupid and laughing a lot. But this nagging voice in the back of my mind would pop up regularly:
They're only being cool with you because they think you're straight. If they knew, they would be treating you differently and it would suck.

We flew back early the day before Christmas. Our skin was mostly uncharred, except for Eric whose entire body was pealing. He rolled around on the grass, joking that he was a snake shedding his skin. 
 * * *
Back stateside, I'm in the car with my brother leaving the airport.

So, did you have fun? My brother asks.
Yeah, I had a fucking blast.
Good. Yeah everyone said they were glad you ended up coming. 

After a brief pause:

You know, you can tell everyone that I like dudes. I don't care, just didn't feel like bringing it up.
Oh they all know. Everyone here knew before, and no one cares.

Being wrong hurts so good. 

Happy holidaze y'all. 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Life is just so, ___. Ya know? Sean 2.0

Huge news. I took a Facebook "quiz" that said that I should move to New Zealand. This has been, like, a life/religious/spiritual epiphany of sorts for me. I finally feel like I "get it". Answers come into focus; meaning abounds. As such, I am writing this from Christchurch.

Anyways, thanks for your emails. I've been alright.

* * * 

I stopped seeing Ald—he just wasn't the bro for me. A couple weeks later I met Sean. No, not this Sean. A new Sean. Fuck that other Sean. He lives in San Fran and is a head case. Regardless, Sean and I met at a concert.  This is "true", but also a lie. We "met" on Tinder, but we actually met up for the first time at a concert. I was there all fugged up with my buddy, he the same with his bros.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

My Brother Sam Is Pretty Cool These Days

I hear an alarm go off in the next room. I roll over and look at my phone. 7:30AM on Saturday morning. 

A few minutes later, just as I'm about to fall back asleep,
"Hey, you ready to hit the water?"

It's my brother, Sam. 


We're going surfing. 

The waves suck, I suck, and the water is freezing, but it's a blast anyways. 

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Summer Playlists

"Music is the soundtrack to my life" lololo. 

But yeah I dig music. I was raised on classic rock, but since college I've been listening mostly to new stuff. Here's some shiz I've been listening to. 

Scroll down to play:

Friday, June 13, 2014

Life In Grey

It's interesting that some of the same misconceptions that people in my real life have formed about me, some people on the internet have also formed. It doesn't really bother me, but I do find it interesting how so few people are able to understand people who don't fit neatly into prescribed bins. Someone reads a post about say lifting and thinks "Oh what a jock asshole" or about Jonah Hill and thinks I actually give a fuck what he says. It's called a thought exercise, Christ. Part of the problem is that we're taught in school to think binarily from a young age. Correct/incorrect, right/wrong, winner/loser fact/fiction jock/nerd: these are all ridiculously simplified concepts in school and in many people's minds.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Thanks, Mom

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is a great achievement"

Also, thanks Aldo:

 So the take home is that I'm a unique psychopath and at least two people think that's chill.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

I Do Not Accept Jonah uncHill's Apology

Fuck Jonah Hill.

He was good in Super Bad, and decent in Wolf of Wall Street, but despite copious PR feigning, I don't accept his emotional apology for his comments. 

My beef is not with his apology per se—he couldn't have really been more serious or genuine about it—but it's just not something that can be excuse with any apology. When in an angered and uninhibited state, his "brain" searched for how to insult a douchebag photographer and it came up with:
"Suck my dick, you faggot"

Sunday, May 25, 2014

P A R I S - Part 1 - Mathieu

My life is basically a cheesy movie.

I touched down at Chucky de Gaulle airport and hop on the temporary internet to let my friend know that je suis arrivé in motherfucking frogtown. Also to jump on le petit Tinder, chyeah. I open it only long enough for it to locate me and initiate the viral spread of my steez. As an aside, the train ticketing machines are extremely unfriendly to non-euro visitors: they accept neither american credit cards nor euro bills despite the ~10 euro fare—and a change machine only accepts 5 or 10 euro notes. Anyways, once in the metro area I board the train in the wrong direction for my connection. Sweet. I eventually arrive slightly damp and very tired at my friend’s doorstep in the 5th arrondissement. Arrondissement is either French for go-fuck-yourself or neighborhood. Come to think of it, almost everything in French could be understood as “go fuck yourself”. But let’s not get into formal linguistics. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Told My Mother And Bro, Officially

So it didn't go down face to face, but I finally was completely clear with my Mom and brother. If you recall, I already had a conversation about this with my Dad.

In honor of this, a blurry, douchey mirror shot of yours truly.  

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Disappointing Gay & Minor Update

Finally a video that encapsulates a bit what it's like to be a non hetero who doesn't fit the stereotypes. Of course this is an exaggeration in the other direction, but at least it gets the point across.

Also, peep this note that Al left me Sunday.


Hopefully this isn't a Ryan/Johnny type situation all over again...

Monday, April 7, 2014

Dudes on Dudes on Dudes

Dang y'all, it's been a minute. Figured it was time for a megalomaniac-style post.

Not a big fan of people who say shit like "time flies!" or other derpy hyperboles related to the time and weather, but the last few weeks have felt like a stop motion blur.

I've been working, and lifting, and raging, and seeing mad dudes, and living my goddamn life.

What's that? You're most interested in the "seeing mad dudes" part? Y'all are predictable as fuck.

Enter Johnny.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

I Ain't You, Fool

Thank you to all for your comments. They help keep me writing. 

Dear Mr. Little Kiwi,

Thank you for taking the time to stop by my very serious internet blog to pseudo-anonymously spout uninformed platitudes, holier-than-thou false assumptions, and dime-store psychoanalyses. 

I've responded to the majority of your erratic and largely incoherent "points" individually, but my main response is: this blog will remain anonymous even after I am completely out; the two issues are unrelated.
"This blogger is, at 26, where I was when I was 16."
There may be some patterns and similarities among non heteros and the way that we approach our sexual orientation, but that does not mean that your thoughts, feelings and experiences necessarily apply to anyone else, especially people you don't know. It's incredibly misguided and arrogant to imply that every non heterosexual is on the same "track" with some being "further ahead" than others.

Friday, March 7, 2014


I have read a myriad of biased [1] [2] articles regarding fraternal goings-on, which is not to say that many of the criticisms laid against frats aren't legitimate. In some fraternities there is racism, misogyny, homophobia/antigay rhetoric, pastel popped collars, and alarming levels of douchebaggery. Some have labeled the rites of passage as "meaningless, difficult, dangerous and/or humiliating," while others have trumpeted them as "ragey" and "not all that unchill."

Monday, February 10, 2014

Guys I've Banged: Sean

Unfortunately, the bro that I was pretty stoked to meet turned out to be just another bro I've banged. Well, and maybe a non hetero friend. 

We originally met on Tinder. Uncharacteristically, I sent him a message first. Somehow I managed to (temporarily) stop being an asshole and actually exert a modicum of energy to try to meet a cool bro. He didn't respond for a week or two. My ego was initially a little hurt as people usually hit me up right away and respond if I send them a message. At the same time I took it as a good sign: maybe this dude is the shit. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Looking...For A Better Show: HBO Looking Review

A few weeks ago I read an article previewing the new HBO show "Looking". The article proffered the show as being different and superior to past renderings of non hetero life. Specifically, it claimed that it was a less stereotypical and "nothing like" Queer as Folk.

It probably seems like I'm incapable of saying anything nice or positive, but that's bullshit, as you will see in the next chapter. However, after watching the first three episodes, I can comfortably say that there is only a small handful of good things about the show from my perspective, warped as it apparently is.

What's good:

The acting is overall pretty good.
The overall production is good.
The plot lines, situations and characters seem fairly realistic.
General stereotypical behavior and appearance has been toned down substantially.

What's not so good: 

Monday, February 3, 2014

Re: "Is Discrimination on Grindr Killing Gay Sex?"

A very emotional reader sent me this article and "dared" me to contradict it. Sweet, I love truth and/or dare, bro.

Full disclosure: I have really never actively used Grindr besides this occasion, and have never met up with anyone through it. I will also admit that, yes, being an attractive white male in our society is objectively easier than being almost anything else. That said...

 * * *
Grindr was created, according to its inventors, to make socializing easier...However, as any movie about science or technology tells us, what is a simple genius invention often runs afoul of the maker's intent in the hands of mere mortals -- and especially horny mortals.
Oh yeah, I'm sure the Grindr inventors never imagined, let alone intend, that the app would "run afoul" in such an unpredictable way as people evaluating and sexualizing each other. Cool story, bro. Also glad to hear you're getting your information from "movies about science [and] technology."
As a queer Latino gay man of size, logging on to Grindr is a casual masochistic reminder that, in the mainstream gay male community, my body is not welcome. 
Are you a masochist or not? If you are not, then stop logging on. It's not complicated: avoid things you don't like. If you are a masochist then that implies you enjoy the torture, so stop bitching. Also, "man of size"? Wow.
Messages like "NO ASIANS," "NEG U B 2," and "MASC ONLY" invalidate gay men like me daily. 
Again, looking on Grindr for validation is foolish. In fact, maybe stop depending on strangers in general for validation, digital or otherwise. And yeah, good Samaritans would sleep with people they aren't attracted to and/have diseases just to be nice. 
How did a tool that was meant to facilitate conversation become the prime example of the gay community's -- like the rest of humanity's -- worst tendencies, like racism, sexism, misogyny, ageism, ableism, fat shaming, elitism, transphobia, homophobia and serophobia?
Human's gonna human. And this is your last reminder to stop pretending Grindr was invented by nuns. Also fat shaming, for those who are not fat by genetics or something uncontrollable, is not the same as some of those other targets which can't be controlled. 

What does someone in the 1 percent of Grindr's sexual economy look like? He has white skin, he has a weight that begins with "1," he is cisgender, in his 20s, completely able-bodied, has a full head of hair, has either slightly defined or very defined abs, has a dusting of body hair, is masculine and is HIV-negative. These men are what you might call "sexual gatekeepers." Just as the 1 percent of America's economy has unlimited access to the services and privileges they need, Grindr's 1 percent has the privilege of determining who has access to them and when and where they will get serviced.
Not an apt comparison. The rich are privileged because they are rich. Who is sought after sexually is determined by everyone except the person themselves. No one is forcing anyone to be attracted to or "service" anyone. It's a pretty standard supply and demand system. Yes it's partly manufactured by a huge conspiracy between the twitterz and Utubes and The Media, and Hollywood, et cetera, but we are evolved to be attracted to physical fitness and good looks to some degree.
In literary studies or fiction writing, "round" characters are fully realized characters who jump off the page, while "flat" characters are 2-D, and stand out for the qualities they lack. 
Wow, you must have been an English major, guy!
In the world of Grindr, a landscape dominated by a 2-D square interface, everybody is a victim of personality "flattening," and, by extension, becomes more and more defined by that which society says they lack. While people used to look into the future and see technology as making fantasies come true -- flying cars! teleporters! -- the truth of technology in the 21st century is that it doesn't deal in fantasy. It heightens reality -- racism, misogyny, etc. -- in all its grotesqueness.
Again, if you don't want your special snowflake-ness to be flattened into two dimensions, then do not use hook-up apps. And the implication that technology has not been beneficial to society is absurd. Of course it has negative side effects--almost everything does--but the luddite perspective is asinine. Here let me put it in terms you can understand:

P.S. Fuck Microsoft.
People often confuse "having a type" with taking the freedom to shoot other people down. 
What is it that one "ought" to do when they are not attracted to someone? Mercy fuck them? Date or marry them just to be nice? I think most would agree that in this scenario, the person should be straight forward and simply say they are not interested in a nice way. But wait, that's exactly what they are doing by putting "Sorry, not interested in older or x". I think it's much shittier to lead people on and make them think they have a chance, than to just be up front that you aren't interested.

Why, in a profile meant to discuss you, do you take the time to talk about the people who can't have access to your body? 
Maybe because you aren't interested in having sex with overweight, old people? And if you don't specify what you are and are not looking for the result is a large waste of time?  This point is kind of like saying "Why do all gays reject and invalidate women?" They don't. They just aren't attracted to them. Why is it different to say "not attracted to women" than to say "not attracted to <anything else>?
Many people would say the very definition of privilege is when you have the luxury of not having to think about something or have it affect you -- the luxury of having free and open access to sexual partners is no different.
Societally unattractive people assume that societally attractive people popped out of the womb with six packs, and generally that they were just born attractive. While genes do play a role, there are many, many people on an app like Grindr that worked their faces off to look the way they do. In fact, anyone over the age of about 25 definitely invested a lot of time and effort into their fitness and diet, so fuck off with your victimizing "it's just so easy for them" bullshit. 
Many people, gay men included, cling to false notions -- "I can't help it! It's just what I prefer!" -- when discussing their sexual preferences. However, preferences are always socially constructed.
Yes, there is absolutely a socially constructed component to what we find attractive. No, preferences are not always constructed. Read … Think …  Write.
The list of characteristics of Grindr's 1 percent is also a fairly representative list of many of Hollywood's hottest celebrities, its most powerful men with the most cultural and social capital. These are characteristics we're told to desire. I don't know about you, but I hate being told how to think. 
I hate being told how to think, but I write lengthy articles telling people how to think. 
Sex on Grindr is often sex between sheep. But, sex can be an act of resistance and meaningful exchange -- if you make it one.
They are "sheep" because they won't have sex with you? Sex as an act of resistance? Does anyone actually read these articles before they get published?
As more apps that serve more "niche" audiences appear... blah blah blah death of sex and intimacy... blah blah blah my older queer activist friends often tell me about sex from an earlier era blah blah blah sex was organic and intimate. Blah blah blah Chipotle to McDonalds... blah blah blah boasts sex as fast food...blah blah I encourage us to use more than just our thumbs. Blah blah blah we can't repeat history and microaggress blah blah blah litmus tests for genuine connections.

Rabble, Rabble. 

In sum, no, there's no reason to put mean shit in your profiles, but where do you draw the line between "invalidating" and stating preferences? Should all attractive people be forced to date and mate with unattractive people? Are both sides trying to make this binary, yet again?

sǝʎ `sǝʎ `ǝlppıɯ ǝɥʇ uı ǝɹǝɥʍ ǝɯos :sɹǝʍsuɐ

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Conversation With A Hetero Bro

Read about his situation, my response below, and feel free to give your advice for him in the comments. 

* * *

Yo dude,

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Hot 90s Bros

A good look back on how good-looking some bros looked in the good ole 90s. A.K.A. vacuous hot dudes post.

Robby Lowe used to be attractive as hell. Now he's more botox than man

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

"Gay Bro" Phenomenon

Someone sent me a link to this article, which is nothing new, I but thought y'all might be interested.

* * *

One night about a year ago, I went out for some beers with some of my fraternity brothers at a bar near campus. After some small talk, one of them turned to me at said, “Hey, I figured out what type of gay guy you are.”
“For the last time,” I said. “Bears are hairy middle-aged men. Twinks are maladjusted jail ba—“
“No, shut the fuck up,” he said. “You’re a bromo.”
“You asshole,” I said. “You can’t call gay people 'homos' anymore. This is isn’t the 90s.”
“No, you’re a bromo,” he said. “A bro who is a homo. Get it?”
“Makes sense,” I said, and we continued about our typical Tuesday night getting shit faced.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Life's pretty cool, asshole

One year of pseudo-blogging under my belt and about 175,000 page views. Sweet?

I'm not big on placing importance on arbitrary markers like the "new year" (OMFGNYENYC2K14!!)—as if there were some logical reason why it "began" two days ago as opposed to at any other moment. At least back in the day we used more salient factors like the sun and shit to determine the passing of time. Still, most people do make a big deal about this time of year so it's hard not to get a little 'flective.