Monday, February 10, 2014

Guys I've Banged: Sean

Unfortunately, the bro that I was pretty stoked to meet turned out to be just another bro I've banged. Well, and maybe a non hetero friend. 

We originally met on Tinder. Uncharacteristically, I sent him a message first. Somehow I managed to (temporarily) stop being an asshole and actually exert a modicum of energy to try to meet a cool bro. He didn't respond for a week or two. My ego was initially a little hurt as people usually hit me up right away and respond if I send them a message. At the same time I took it as a good sign: maybe this dude is the shit. 
He eventually saw and responded to my message and we talked a bit on Tinder before moving the show to Facebook, where we thoroughly stalked the shit out of each other. I noticed that he looked pretty fucking sexy in most of his pictures. I also noticed that the vast majority of the pictures were self-uploaded. Whatever—he's a few years younger so maybe the "kids these days" are just vain like that. 

We kept talking and he still seemed cool. After some prodding from him, we started snapchatting. I fucking hate taking selfies, but again I was trying to be flexible here because maybe this dude was actually awesome and I didn't want to walk away from it because I wasn't willing to reciprocate a few snaps. Then he flaked on our initial meet-up plan. Again, I wasn't sure if my reaction should be fuck-this-dude or to take it as another indication that he was one worth chasing a bit. 

Fast forward and he made it very clear that he did want to hang out and invited me to come to stay with him for the weekend in Boston. Even though we'd never met, it didn't seem weird to accept this invitation because we'd talked basically every day for over a month. 

* * *
I got up from my train seat and notice my BAC was a little higher than I had thought. I "disembarked" from the train and headed for the main concourse. I saw Sean from the distance, who was dressed attractively, like a preppy bro. I thought he said he was like 5'10—looks shorter than that. I probably am misremembering. 

We gave a bro slap/hug. 
"Man, you're not even blacked out. I'm impressed," said Sean.
"Nah, I am—just super high functioning when I'm blacked out."
We both laughed and headed off toward his place. He was not quite as handsome as his pictures, but definitely good looking. 

We got back to his place, which was empty because his roommate was out. We decided to pregame a bit with some beers. He drank shitty light beer, like most recent college grads. We then switch to whiskey and I started to feel druzsant

We laughed together at something, then locked eyes for a moment. I grabbed him by the bicep, and pulled him in to kiss. He tasted like whiskey. Nice.

As we kissed, he raised himself up on his toes to get closer to my level. I'm pretty sure he said he was 5'10. He was a good kisser and we made out for quite a while before clothes started to fly.

Somehow after seeing well over a hundred pictures and snaps of him it had never been clear that he had freckles. They weren't in the common location—the cheeks—but all over his shoulders, and creeping up his neck to the edges of his face. I didn't think it was unattractive, just noted it. 

He pulled away for a second and looked at me expectantly,
"I'm I what you were expecting?" 
Ahh, insecurity. Boner killer.

We hooked up for over an hour, culminating in me fucking him. He finished. I do not.

We pass out spooning.

* * *
In the morning he seemed a bit aloof, almost pissed. I hadn't really made up my mind about him, and had been leaning towards "not quite," but his coldness was perplexing. He had clearly enjoyed hooking up, so what the fuck?

We hooked up again.
"I'm gong to make you bust," he said, staring into my eyes. 
And this time I did finished, but by my own hand and quite a while after he said that. 
"It's okay if you think I'm ugly," he half-joked.
"Haha, shut up dude," I said, kissing him.
He made us some breakfast sandwiches and he got jacked up on C4 before we headed to go workout in the gym in his building. We had planned this part out, and I had imagined this would be a joint event, but he got into the zone and made it clear he would be doing his own thing. Huh, well independence is good.

I go to the gym Monday through Friday partly so that I don't have to workout after I've been drinking, so this was my first hungover work out in a while. It felt like my body was covered in sandbags and the muscles in my scalp were throbbing. I gave it the old college try for about 30 minutes but then: Fuck it.

I bailed and went back up to his apartment and watched basketball with his roommate for a bit. Seemly decent guy, but pretty generic and not the best conversater.

Into that evening Sean remained aloof. He also would not get off his fucking phone and computer: kid was obsessed with social media bullshit. The vast number of self-tagged photos now made sense. The more we hung out the more clear it was that he was very into how he was perceived by other people. Lame. Also I began to hear subtle notes of homo in his voice. I'm not sure if these are always there and it takes me a while to tune in to it, or if people just relax and fall into it. He also continued to be a bit distant toward me. 

I didn't really know what to make of it, but gave him his space and we stayed in and watched a movie. No hook up on Saturday night as neither of us made a move. 

In the morning I eventually initiated a final hook up and we both finished—he seemed less interested in trying to please me this time. At this point I had basically made up my mind that he wasn't right but was still enjoying hanging out and hooking up.

Honestly, I got the impression that he did like me and was into me, but then noticed I wasn't 100% there so then tried to "reject me first," as a kind of protection mechanism, but I could be reading into it too much. Either way, we didn't quite have that spark, but we left on good terms and agreed we  that we should continue to talk. We have not continued to talk, and I don't know if we will. From my perspective, I don't have enough time and energy to fold him in, but who knows. 

* * *

In other news: 
  • Saturday I hooked up with another dude who has a girlfriend. Dumbshit waste of time, but hot nonetheless. 
  • There are some chill-seeming dudes in the pipeline (no pun) to meet up with soon
  • I quit watching porn. Well 90% less. Highly recommend it. 
  • This:


  1. It's good to hear you are getting out and not just pounding your pud daily. Maybe you've been doing that all along, just not writing about it.
    It sounds like you are a pretty normal non-hetero, dealing with the same kind of opportunities as the rest of us.
    Keep hearing your stories and your perspective.

  2. That's too bad about it not working out, but I guess that happens every now and then. I'm also pretty impressed by the number of guys with girlfriends that you're able to hook up with... Haha.

    On an unrelated note, I'm supposed to hate BU hockey since I go to a rival school but that GIF is too cute. I wish my hockey team did adorable stuff like that every now and then.

  3. Sorry, this might come off somewhat critical, but I don't mean it to be. I am more curious than anything else. Do you often try to interpret the perceived intentions of the actions/inactions of your hookups? Or do you do this mainly with guys where you hope there may be a chance for something more meaningful developing and want to assess whether you should initiate to take it to the next level?

    1. Do I "often try to interpret the perceived intentions of the actions/inactions of [my] hookups"? Qué?

    2. Yeah, in your story, you talk about what Sean did or didn't do, and you were trying to figure out what they meant. He seemed aloof, cold, distant, etc. Instead of all this guesswork, why didn't you just come out and ask him? Did you just not know him well enough to say?

      It's not that unusual to have doubts when you are still feeling out the other guy.

    3. Eh, analyzing the shit out everyone and thing is just kind of my modus operandi. It is maybe a bit heighten when I first meet some one though, yeah.

    4. I find this refreshing that you have a bit of self doubt, like most of us. When I first started reading your blog, my initial impression was that you are a confident and self-assured guy.

      But like most things in life, too much of a good thing often can turn out to be negative. Confidence is good; arrogance is bad. A bit of self-reflection gives you insight. Arrogant people, who feel they are always right, often miss lessons that they can learn from.

      While I know these are somewhat generalizations, I find it humanizing that you show us some of the same doubts most of us go through when meeting new guys and dating.

  4. I vividly remember reaching the point when I didn't want casual stuff any more. Whilst immediate gratification and that thrill of being with a new guy probably never completely loses its appeal, logic eventually overpowers the libido and you realise that you're not really getting anywhere, and that there's a limit to what hookups can provide. Emotional sustainance; that implicit permission to always be yourself; someone with whom you can build and share something unique and lasting - once you realise that's what you want and need, the search for it can overwhelm large parts of your life. I won't say I was depressed or desperate back then, but I was sure as hell less happy than I've been since. It's big, important, life-changing stuff.

    So you're right to be choosy, absolutely. But if you'll permit me to lapse into slight advice mode for a moment... I don't know how helpful the constant analysis is. In fact, you may find that when *he* wanders over the horizon you'll suddenly find yourself not doing it any more. It will just feel appropriate. Like you've always known each other. He'll recognise and understand whatever it is you need, and thrive on being it, and you'll do the same for him.

    I confidently predict that *he* will stroll into view between May and September of this year. If not, you can sue me.

  5. lol, bro, arrogance is always a defense mechanism that people put to block out their own insecurities. neither you nor "sean" are secure, but i guess you prefer the other dude to sort his own shit out before you sort your own.

    anyway, juz passing through...

    1. Reliable kenn-do to chime in with a charmingly false platitude with a soupcon of uninformed generalization. Delicious.

  6. So do you meet these straight guys online or do you actually pick these guys up at bars?

    What's the situation?