Monday, April 7, 2014

Dudes on Dudes on Dudes

Dang y'all, it's been a minute. Figured it was time for a megalomaniac-style post.

Not a big fan of people who say shit like "time flies!" or other derpy hyperboles related to the time and weather, but the last few weeks have felt like a stop motion blur.

I've been working, and lifting, and raging, and seeing mad dudes, and living my goddamn life.

What's that? You're most interested in the "seeing mad dudes" part? Y'all are predictable as fuck.

Enter Johnny.

Johnny is from California, and looks it. He wears hoodies and has a kind of surfer hair, but short.  Johnny is funny and likes the same music as I do. We get along really well and make jokes all day. He didn't live in the same city as me until last week, but had visited a lot for work, mostly. Johnny and I connected on Tinder and met on Valentine's day. Total coincidence, but *barf* anyways, amirite?

When we first met everything felt great. It felt like I finally found a dude who was like me and actually had an attractive personality. Kissing was particularly awesome. We made out for hours and hours. We even made out in public before he got on his train to leave one time. I'm not into PDA, but it just happened.

But it started to feel less and less right as we saw more of each other. I didn't really feel attracted to him, and when I would think about him it was never in a sexual way. We had been moving fast so I had to give him "the talk" and we pumped the breaks. I tried to convey this feeling—that we weren't moving forward—that I just wanted to be friends, but now I realize how blind he was to it.

He played it cool until he didn't. Sunday he spilled his guts and told me the extent to which he "really really" liked me and wanted to know if he'd done something "wrong". He also tried many times to get me to say that I was still willing to give it a shot. I didn't think we'd been dating, and apparently his seeming this way too was also just part of him trying to play it cool.

Y'all probably think I'm a real asshole completely devoid of emotion, but this was actually really painful and shitty for me. Luckily, unlike Ryan, Johnny actually does want to stay friends, and we're already doing a decent job of it. Now I can text and hangout with him without feeling like I'm being a douche and leading him on. Honestly, I'm not sure how he'd deal with a hypothetical meeting of a different dude that I like, but who knows; that's somewhere down the line.

Exit Johnny.

Enter seemingly-vanilla-but-actually-wild bisexual bro.

I'd had this dude over a couple times and we did our own thing just laying next to each other and touching a bit. Pretty hot especially since he would mention his girlfriend occasionally. Super fucked up that that turned me on, but it did. We would only text once every week or two and only met up twice. Then he sends me these texts...

I got the feeling he was about to say some interesting shit so I went along with it. 

This clearly never occurred. Not sure if we'll hang again. He's quite good looking, but also apparently pretty out there—sexually at least. Who is this girl he's dating that doesn't know he potentially having multi-partner, bisexual sex behind her back? Maybe he doesn't actually have a girl friend and that's all part of an act, but it's one hell of an act if that's the case. Oscar nomination caliber. Anyways so that was a weird distraction.

Exit bi bro.

Enter Aldo.
Actually not a bad match for Al
Yeah, weird name, but his family is Italian so that's that. Also: he's 21 years old, AKA probably a little too young for me. Meh. I actually don't think age matters per se, but it's good to be in the same phase of life, which we're not.

I can't get into all of the details of how and where we met because it'd be too revealing, but we too met on Tinder (my check better be in the mail for all this publicity, Tinder execs). We were in the same location but didn't get our shit together for a while so our first meeting was actually at his fraternity. I go back and forth between thinking this is a chill place for a first date and that it's really weird. I guess it was one of those situations where it was a awkward as you make it because I felt pretty comfortable rolling up to it to hang. I'd actually been in that exact fratnerity house a number of times before in a non-homo way, but that's another story.

We met up at like 10:30pm on a Saturday. He met me at the door.
"Hey, what's up dude. Nice to finally meet ya."
His small but muscular bod was adorned with some standard frat elements, notably a snapback and a tank top. It's March so not really tank weather yet, breh. He's cute, very tan (or just swarthy) and has a good energy about him. Really short for me, but was trying to be open minded.

We chill around and play some competitive drinking games. I'm obviously amazing and we win all damn night. At one point our opponent, a handsome, sandy-haired and fairly jacked brother comes over to talk to me.
"Hey man, I almost always win at this, but you're nasty for real."
"Thanks," I laugh. 
"So how do you know Aldo?"
"Uh, we're actually on kind of a date right now," I say, still chuckling.
He's surprised, but smiles.
"Oh, ha—how's it going?"
I laugh again.
"Oh, well it's not really that kind of a date, but it's been chill so far."
We played a few more games and as we finished off another set of opponents we did one of those slap-bro hug things, only holding the contact for longer than normal. Yeah, rul gay, I know. We'd be doing a bit of that all night. You could feel the sexual electricity spark when we'd bump or touch.
"Well we've been winning a lot, huh?" I said.
"We should maybe take a little break and go upstairs and make out a bit though, don't you think?"
A smirk grew into a large grin on his face.
"Oh yeah, sure I'm down. 
He didn't live there so we started by just making out in the hallway, pausing each time someone would come by. I don't like PDA, alright? One of his female friends eventually stopped by and we all rambled at each other for a while. At one point she either said or implied she was strong at which point I had to make several jokes about women's comparative strength, followed by a series of drunken handstand push-ups in the hall to underscore my point. Man, writing this down I really sound out of control.

Yeah... come to think of it: we then hooked up in this side room for a while and almost got "caught." Then we went back to his dorm room and hooked up for about four hours. We didn't finish til the next morning which was quite a finale.

Then I left and haven't seen him since. However, he's coming down to my city this weekend under the guise of a trip to visit a friend who goes to college here. I actually have a bros reunion rager all weekend with my college buds, and Ald knows this. I told him we would hang out, but man I'm already picturing myself showing up almost blacked out to meet him.

I'm also thinking that this is a good/terrible time to tell my bros I'm into guys. My roommate isn't going, so none of these guys know about me, despite the fact that some of them are close friends. I don't want to take away from my bud's weekend to celebrate/mourn his impending nuptials, but it seems like a good opportunity since we might not all be in the same place again for a while.

Well that's gotta be it for now. There's actually another guy worth posting about, Andy, but this shit is already long as hell, so it'll have to wait.



  1. So, Johnny. What was missing? Can you put your finger on which boxes he isn't ticking? Or is there too much common ground, i.e. not enough mystery/challenge/friction? Has any of this stuff made you re-evaluate what you're looking for?

    1. Well that's fair enough. Maybe it was the making out for 'hours and hours' and the PDA that confused me there!

  2. Shouldn't your friends have a pretty good idea about you by now? Or do they just figure you're not a sexual person or you "don't kiss and tell"?

    1. Man, I would think so. I *never* talk about females in a sexual way and when we're out it has to be apparent that I don't give a fuck about the girls around, so I don't know. People are more oblivious than you think.

  3. Now we know why you have been too busy to blog. You are like a busy bee, going from flower to flower to collect "pollen" to make honey. :-)

    1. Ooops, after I wrote this, it didn't sound right. Bees collect nectar to make honey. You have been using your "stinger" to sample the various flowers.

    2. Yeah, FoC, been a busy goddamn bee fore shore.

  4. What happened to engaged dude? He was my favorite...maybe you guys will hook up after his wife divorces him!

    1. Hah, I think about him from time to time--especially when comparing the sexual chemistry I have with more recent dudes. We would go bananas with eachother. Miss dat.

  5. That threesome suggestion didn't seem to agitate you; done it before or you're just unfazeable? If done before I'd read about how that shit went down.

    1. I'll leave that as a mystery for now, anon.

  6. Did you end up telling your bros about being gay? Or did you decide to wait on that? Just curious on how that went for you.

    1. Nah. I considered it strongly, but it was a weekend for my bud so I didn't want to make the weekend about me. I have some plans to tell them individually though. We'll see.

    2. I guess that's probably for the best. Hopefully it goes well when you choose to do it!

  7. excellent post, highly entertaining!